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The Vets 5 a side Football
Every Sunday
17:30 - 19:00
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The Vets Archives
Just in case you are the slightest bit interested, I have archived the previous Vets News Pages for the last few years. It's quite interesting to look back on a few of the events that have occurred during our past games, some of them amusing and some of them downright sad. Click the button at the top.

19th June 2005 : The hottest day of the year hit tonight's attendance with just nine of the lads turning up. Bryn, Scouse Ron, Martin, Zsu Zsu Mastin and John turned out against Myself, Matt, Chris, Karl and his son Jamie who made the numbers up to ten. All round a decent enough nights football but definitely missing the competitive edge of games between regular teams. Played in a pretty friendly spirit all evening we changed the sides around and generally enjoyed the game. I'm still struggling with my knee injury but had a go tonight and managed reasonably well. Zsu Zsu also with his on going injury chose to stay in goal for most of the session and made a pretty good job of it. Maybe the old cockney has found his niche, a little bit like Tony The Cat Gavin did all those years ago although the cat was somewhat fatter than Zsu Zsu. The only other memorable incidents were Jamie's goals and Scouse Ron dumping Chris through the fire doors, an incident that didn't  go down too well with Chris but was generally laughed off by the rest of us - that just about summed up the session.
On Sunday July 10th we are having a new team photo taken by Ron - hopefully all the lads will turn out in their favourite teams kit, should make a good photograph. It will be good to see Zsu Zsu in his Charlton Shirt and the Uni£ed shirts will probably be outnumbered by both Everton and City.

26th June 2005 : Mary's Moaners were back with a bang tonight as they bulldozed all before them. A draw in their first game was a bonus as they looked quite capable of winning all their games. John, Bryn, Ian "Disley" Lemonzic and Scouse Ron played some stunning free flowing football. Karl, Michael "Bud" Jackson, Ian Huddlestone and young Jamie somehow managed to grab a draw in that first game and to their credit later went on to repeat that result although they led 4-1. However Mary's Moaners were in no mood to lose and battled back to draw 4-4 with Disley blasting over from close range in the last attack.  Chris, Keith Proudfoot, Keith "Zsu Zsu" Mastin, Robbie and myself were on the receiving end of some serious defeats tonight, the like of which I haven't tasted for many moons. To lose 7-1 in a five minute game is pretty unforgivable but, with Disley playing the best I have ever seen with the vets and scoring from almost every angle it had to happen. Ron and Bryn were having a field day so although it was of little consolation my team took great delight in winning the final game 2-1 against the Moaners to seal their only defeat of the night. A fine nights football with some notable incidents such as Robbie's flying save to tip a goal bound effort round the post and another pile driver in the face to prevent a Scouse Ron Shot from going into orbit, this left the little Baggie shaken but not stirred. Also a pat on the back for young Jamie, Karls boy, playing well out of his age group he never gave up and still managed to net quite a few goals - the future is in good hands (or feet).

3rd July 2005 : Like most of the planet I spent yesterday glued to the Live 8 concert in Hyde Park deeply affected by the message Bob was screaming at the world. Surely it can't fall on deaf ears although like most people my distrust of politicians leads me to think it probably will. The message was clear and the performance will live on in my memory for a long long time. Did you ever hear The Who sound better? My 29 year old son wants to hear more Pink Floyd, then there was U2, UB40, REM, Sir Paul, Coldplay, Madonna, Youssou N'Dour (download one of his great songs from my music page) and even Robbie Williams - fantastic music by brilliant artists. 
I suppose this is nothing to do with the vets but days like that only come along a few times in a life time and the message is so important, listen to Bob and judge for yourself
Right, off my soap box, only ten players tonight which was a little disappointing. Disley, Karl and Jamie English, Steve Hart and myself did battle with John, Bryn, Zsu Zsu, Bud Jackson and Keith Proudfoot. Like last week the games were keen but a bit low key. I got some serious grief from Disley, probably aimed at geeing me up, but it had the opposite effect. In a game of two halves, Bryn's team won the first session but Disley's team easily ran out winners in the second half including a Golden Goal winner drilled home by Karl whilst Disley was on an emergency bog break...
Next week is Photo call so please turn up early 17:15 so we can get sorted before 17:30.

10th July 2005 : The new team photo went ahead with Ron setting up and taking the action with his assistant, Jamie English. Brilliant to see the lads turning out in good numbers and thanks to Ron for his expertise.
Back row left to right : Steve Hart, Bryn Meredith, Chris , Keith Mastin, Paul  Garner, Keith Proudfoot, Ron Buttery.  Front row : Dan Bolton, Karl English, Steve Gerrard, Robbie Westwood, Michael Jackson, John Goodwin, Malcolm Hough.

The teams tonight were reasonably equal, Ron, Bryn, Zsu Zsu Mastin, John and special guest Keith Proudfoot made up a strong looking Mary's Moaners team. Matt, Bud Jackson, Karl, Dan and young Jamie were the opposition in the first game and what a game it was with the moaners losing out to a Jamie English winner. Steve Hart, Steve Gerrard, Chris and myself kicked off with a great win over Karls team with some excellent passing and finishing, thing were looking good until the moaners turned us over in the next game. That's just about how the evening panned out, win one draw one lose one. As usual there were some tasty incidents which usually had John on the end of them, for once the assassin was the injured party coming in for some rough treatment. Zsu Zsu again made his mark in goal but save of the night was definitely Bud Jackson's dive to claw Bryn's goal bound effort out of his top right hand corner, great save by any standards. Tackle of the night, a thundering 50-50 block tackle by John and Karl which shook the leisure to it's roots and probably registered on the Richter Scale.   

17th July 2005 : What a sad day today as Sean Wright Phillips was transferred to Chelsea for £21ML.  This for me signals the end for the "local hero" as the big money clubs try to sign anybody who shows signs of becoming a top player. Scouse Ron was quite right tonight when he said it's the Rooney factor, Everton certainly gained from unloading their super hero and are now in the Champions League. The only difference here is Sean is a really pleasant young man who was a joy to watch in an otherwise pretty ordinary looking team.  Zsu Zsu decided to mix up the fifteen players tonight and we ended up with three decent teams. Zsu Zsu, myself, Dan, Steve Gerrard and Martin Wilde kicked off the night with two fine wins.  Ron, Bryn, Karl, Bud and Barry Jones, who hasn't been seen for quite a while before tonight - were the first team to beat my team tonight but overall I think we were the strongest squad. John, Nigel, Steve Hart, Keith Proudfoot and Malcolm Stubbs made up the third team and to be honest they struggled to get many wins, although their football was pretty good. They did share a really tasty game with Scouse Ron's team ending up 3-3 but were on the wrong end of a 6-2 drubbing against my team when I think we peaked. Goal of the night or maybe goals of the night went to Martin for a couple of blinders when nothing seemed to be on. The corresponding week last year we had four a side and the year before we had four a side so well done boys for the excellent turn out on a steamy hot July evening.  As for Sean Wright Phillips, well the lad owes City nothing and I do hope he gets more than a bit part at Chelsea but for me it's thanks for the memories young Sean, a footballers life is a short one (except for the New Mills Vets) so grab what you can while it's there and may the very best of luck go with you.
Zsu Zsu is away next week so it's another freebie, Proudy is in Turkey for his annual holibobs but no doubt the vets will be out in their numbers again doing what they do best - kickin' seven bells out of each other..... 

24th July 2005 : It's been a very unpleasant week with attempted bombings in London, a suspect shot by police and Joey Barton doing what he does best - causing mayhem while on tour. There is a suggestion that all police are to be armed which is a bit frightening, One officer who certainly doesn't think twice about shooting is Mary's Moaner, Bryn. Tonight his team were very effective with their shoot on sight policy. Bud, Ron and Disley all had their moments but Disley hit a couple of his specials which Chris in goal did well to get out of the way of. Malc Stubbs, Barry, Nigel and myself also had some good games early doors, we were the only team to beat Bryn's side tonight in our second game. A shame we lost our way as the evening went on. Karl, Martin, Chris, Robbie and Matt also put together some tasty moves with Matt even hitting one ferocious volley which made Disley's look like a tap in. The games tonight were seriously close with most being decided by the odd goal none more odder than a miss hit Bryn Meredith bobbler that Robbie somehow managed to dance over before completely missing his attempted hook off the line before collapsing like the England Cricket team. A very enjoyable session at the Leisure centre.
Next week Chris is on International duty in Minorca so Greenpeace have been warned to expect a rash of beached whale reports in the Balearics over the next two weeks.

31st July 2005 : Zsu Zsu returned from Ireland today looking quite portly but this worked to his advantage as he continued his new career as a goalie. Size isn't everything they say but those extra few stones can be a great help to a custodian of the nets. Lucky for me Zsu Zsu chose to play in my team tonight with Steve Gerrard, Martin and Scouse Ron. Bryn, Bud Jackson, Andy Gartside (Gartsie), John and Karl provided the opposition in a 90 minute grueller of a session. Scouse Ron proved to be an inspirational leader for us early on in the contest as we ran the opposition ragged, Steve and Martin  both finding the net with ease. Ron also weighed in with his share but as the big feller tired Bryn and his boys took over. Andy was tackling like a scrum half and John was tackling like...John!! It was stern stuff but with Bryn rediscovering his scoring touch the tide turned and at the end of play his team led by five goals and to be fair, just about shaded it. Next week should see the return of Proudy from Turkey and hopefully our old Jocko and one or two more of the other lads. I'm off to Hampshire for the week for a bit of Forest air but should be back in time for another crack next Sunday.

7th August 2005 : The Charity Shield at Cardiff signalled the start of the new season with Chelsea taking the trophy in a half decent game. The vets were down to to nine tonight but the lads certainly gave it a good go in a muscle sapping 4 a side session. Scouse Ron, Bryn, Bud Jackson, Martin Wilde, Steve Gerrard, Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin, John Goodwin, Keith Proudfoot and myself. We used the Scouse Ron Rotational system and it worked brilliantly with most games being hard fought. Highlight of the night was the appearance of Martins new silver trainers, very similar to the  footwear worn by Sean Wright Phillips except Sean uses his to play football with. Martin spent much of the night on his arse or trying to defy the laws of gravity.
I had a personal nightmare with at least five hand balls which made me about as popular as a four flush floater. Steve Gerrard was on scoring form tonight but most of us were feeling the strain after the first hour and were quite relieved when the final whistle blew.  Stevie is off on holiday next week but we should see the return of Chris from his training camp on Minorca and the old Jocko who has been performing in the fringe of the Edinburgh Festival in a fantasy called "I scored the fourth against Hibernian today." Well we can all dream can't we?

14th August 2005 : The big kick off in the Premiership this weekend saw Chelsea, Arse and Uni£ed all win setting up an exciting season ahead, yawn yawn.... was I the only one outside the Rugby League Capital willing Wigan to put one up Abramovich's bunch of mercenaries or see Arse involved in a 0-0 or better still see Scouse Ron's team repeat last years result against Uni£ed? Then perhaps we could have a proper competition involving everybody.... fat chance.
The vets were down to six tonight but we made the best of it with a pulsating three a side.  Disley, Martin, Zsu Zsu, Steve Hart, Andy Gartside and myself got stuck in with some serious lung bursting games. The benches made their first appearance of the year and as usual played their part. After twenty minutes we decided to play a Seniors v Youth game with Steve Zsu Zsu and myself taking on Disley, Andy and Martin. Considering our combined ages were 165 (average 55) the Seniors gave the youths a good drubbing with Steve Hart scoring more often than Abi Titmus. The old Jocko certainly found his scoring boots whipping them in from every angle and not a single toe bunger to be seen. It didn't go unnoticed that Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin played outfield for the whole session with no after effects from his recent injury which has kept him in goal.  I have to say 3 a side is very unforgiving with wide open spaces and nowhere to hide but the lads made a good fist of it tonight until the flying jocko finally pulled up with a muscle strain to bring the session to a sudden halt, much to the relief of all if the truth be told.  Come on lads, lets have a good show next week, this time last year we managed 4 a side for two weeks running, I know we can better that!

21st August 2005 : It was difficult to see a big turnout tonight with Chelsea taking on Arsenal and a six a side cricket tournament in New Mills as competition but we still got a good four a side. Chris, Matt, myself and new boy Colin Ramwell took on Bryn, Scouse Ron, John and Paul  Garner. It was really good to see Paul back after a long spell out, over a year, through injury and he made a pretty decent comeback. As usual it was difficult to get past Paul and he weighed in with his fair share of goals so hopefully we will see him in future weeks playing his football with the vets. Bryn's team started really well and soon established a six goal cushion. John back after a bout of flu netted some nice goals to add to Bryn's usual quota. Football is all about the end result though and with Matt in our team we were able to bide our time and wear the opposition down before taking advantage with our superior fitness. This tactic worked a treat and gradually we forged ahead with goals coming from all around the team. Colin took his chances in his first taste of vets football and Matt and Chris were always pegging away. Although a comfortable six goals clear at the end Bryn's team slotted in the traditional Golden Goal to regain a little pride. Good effort again from the lads on a hot sticky evening, next week should see three teams - roll on next week. It's a quick report tonight as Janice and I are off to the excellent Bombay Café in Chinley for an Indian supper. Well worth a visit if you're ever in the area, take your own alcoholic drinks they don't have a licence for alcohol.

28th August 2005 : What a great day for our cricket team, looks like the ashes are coming home to where they belong (not as if the Aussies ever got to physically take them though).  A thrilling finish to today's game took it's toll on tonight's turnout with only eight again. Bryn, Scouse Ron, Martin and Malc Stubbs started well against Bud Jackson, Matt, Paul  Garner and myself. Bryn led his team early doors with some decent strikes before fading a little earlier than usual. Ron, carrying an injury lost what little speed he ever had but Martin and Malc kept plugging away although Malc was having serious problems beating the bench (we lay a large bench across the goals when we are short of players to make it more difficult to score). As the game progressed Matt was finding the net with his extra speed but the rest of our team failed to back him up until the last 20 minutes when just like last week as the opposition tired our ability to pace ourselves paid off. At the end we had moved 5 goals clear but again just like last week fell to the Golden Goal. All in all a very enjoyable session although I am looking forward to a full turnout again.
I was watching Diego Maradonna
on Sky News this week after his hospital treatment, he looked the part again as he juggled the football in a demonstration of his wonderful skills. Part of his treatment was having his stomach stapled, I can't help thinking that if he had had his nostrils stapled fifteen years ago none of this would have been necessary!!!   Internationals next weekend but none of our vets have been selected so, as the man with constipation said - here's to a big turnout.

4th September 2005 : After England's dismal victory over Wales which thankfully I missed it was a relief to get back to a 5 a side session with the lads on Sunday night. Why the overpaid wasters that represent our country can't put the same effort in as as the vets I fail to understand, we should have buried the taffies out of sight, Northern Ireland must be relishing Wednesday nights game.
Bryn, Karl, John, Paul and Malc Stubbs were tonight's victors.
Keith Proudfoot, Chris, Dan, myself and debutant Nick Bennett were the opposition in one of the best games of the year. Two really well matched teams battled it out at a furious pace and ended up only three goals apart after 90 minutes. John played more like his old self after a bout of flu and Karl never gave up in his first game for a number of weeks. Proudy scored some crackers for his team before retiring in goal for the last ten minutes with blistered feet. Talking of cracking goals everybody got on the score sheet this evening without exception, a bit like watching Holland's total football (as in Nederlands not pies). Bryn's team made it three golden goal winners on the trot when Karl completed the nights scoring. My new shirt created a bit of interest tonight, bought off a car boot outside Blackpool for £1 it should fetch a nice profit on Ebay for a popular Man City away shirt circa 1988-90 (match worn now) pictured right.
With our leader Zsu Zsu expected to return from the land of Guinness and pissing rain next week I confidently expect a bumper turnout so get there early to avoid disappointment.

11th September 2005 : Oh what a day for the Blues yesterday, did they make the rags look ordinary or what? No goals for Rooney but a wonderful cameo in the first half when he got tangled up in his own legs and fell arse over substantial tit much to the approval of the travelling Blue Mooners.
Down at the Leisure centre tonight we had eleven players, Bud, Chris, Matt, Disley, John, Bryn, Proudy, Karl, Colin, myself and the returning Zsu Zsu Mastin who looked a little overweight and ruddy cheeked. We played the Scouse Ron rotational system tonight (5 a side with the extra player refereeing. One player drops from alternate sides to be replaced by the referee at the end of each game). Most of the games were tough tonight and goals had to be worked for. Chris returned to form with Colin Ramwell also getting into the groove but the highlight of the night had to be the appearance of Proudy's new silver shoes. What next, Scouse Ron in pink ones, did Alan Ball know what he started all those years ago. A few regulars have gone missing, I couldn't believe our old Jocko didn't turn up to take the puish after Scotland got a result and England's wasters lost to the Paddies and Hearts are still top of the Jocko Prem. Stevie Gerrard, Martin, a fit again Scouse Ron (was he ever), Robbie, Nigel, Dan and Paul  Garner are all due to grace the sports hall, sooner not later lads, make the effort.  Talking of England, Young Rooney apparently had to be restrained in the dressing room at half time on Wednesday after a tirade of foul language at all the tossers around him. Good on the lad, he should have kicked some arses starting with a certain Swede, at least he showed a bit of passion however misguided.

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COMING SOON - Keith is organising a challenge match with a bunch of equally knackered old vets up in Barrow-in-Furness hopefully, in October. More news on this as I get it.

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