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9th May 2004 : The
season is fizzling out now but the vets still turn out in numbers. This
evening saw the return of old Mooro looking not a day over 60 although he's
at least 60⅛ . Great to see the old boy
who reckons after watching us slug it out over 90 minutes he may just come
out of retirement. I do hope he does, I am only too aware that Zsu Zsu, John
and myself are the only original players still active and my dream of
playing at 60 is getting ever nearer.
16th May 2004 : The
last game at the City of Manchester Stadium yesterday summed up Man City's
season, we can play when we want to but that's not as often as you want us
to. Thankfully they left us happy with a 5-1 win over a hapless Everton team
who quite frankly are no different to Man City. Roll on the European
Championships. As for the vets we had the Mary's moaners reformed tonight
with Bryn, Ron, Zsu Zsu and John. There was a new found confidence as they
ripped into their first two games beating my team (Steve Gerrard, Chris,
Paul and myself) 3-2 and then a team of youngsters, Richard, Rob, Guy, Dan
and Harry fell to the Moaners 6-2. Still as the night went on Steve rallied
our team with a great hat trick and with Chris and Paul and myself bagging a
good share of goals we sorted the other two sides out. Harry played really
well for the young team and the early games between us all were quite
frantic. Mary's Moaners got revenge on my side later on with a 5-2 win when
we all went to sleep but generally the night was one of the better sessions
with some great football and classic goals. Scouse Ron scored a fine back
heeler then fell on his considerable arse trying to repeat the feat.
The Picture on the right was sent to me by a French correspondent who posed
I'm sure it's a charitable organisation providing funds for the underprivileged
23rd May 2004 : The report for tonight's action will appear tomorrow written by a guest writer.......
Sadly the above report never materialised, I won't embarrass the volunteer by naming him but it was a good opportunity to paint the Mary's Moaners in a good light. The teams last week were Steve Gerrard, Steve Hart, Kevin and myself - Matt, Richard, Rob, Harry and Nigel - and the Mary's Moaners comprising of Bryn, Scouse Ron, John, Keith and Dan. Another quality session with the Moaners shading it marginally over Matt's team. It was a tough old night with all players competing well and no holds barred. No real MOM but it could have been almost anybody, it was that sought of night. I was disappointed that we couldn't get the better of the moaners but that's how it goes sometimes. A few players away next week so it could be a bit of a bad turnout, you never know these days who will turn up, we might even get to see Robbie or old Mooro - stranger things have happened.
30th May 2004 : The
vets sessions on a Sunday night are possibly as good as they have ever been
at the moment with a blend of youth and half centurions (+vat). Bryn,
Ron, Paul, Chris, Kevin, John, Steve G, Matt, Richard, Rob and myself.
We rotated the order tonight which threw up a few one sided games but also a
glut of fine flowing football. Young Rob had a nightmare first hour when he
couldn't put a foot right but in general all the lads had their moments
tonight. Bryn found his scoring touch and John put himself about a fair bit.
Steve drilled in a couple of his specials and Matt passed the ball about to
such an extent that Scouse Ron even praised him, albeit loudly. Talking of
Scouse Ron, promotion to a white collar job at Ferodo's seems to have given
his game a shot in the arm (which he managed to dig Kevin with) has
coincided with his return to goal scoring form.
13th June 2004 : Report compiled by a guest. Another evening of raw passion at New Mills Leisure Centre as three teams of vets battled for supremacy, albeit played in an eerie silence as Scouse Ron had a chest infection which rendered it impossible for him to give full vent to his considerable verbal prowess. Great care was again taken to ensure a satisfactory mix of skills before play commenced, with each team being equipped with an ageing playmaker, a runner, and a player classified as XL or above for underpants, and this worked well as the three teams were evenly matched all evening. No MOM this week, although young Richard is blossoming and could be subject to a transfer bid from Houghie’s ageing warriors; and Harry played his heart out with some remarkable dribbling, stopped occasionally only by robust challenges with the teeth by John ‘Assassin’ Goodwin. Other notable points during the evening was the award to Stevie Hart – now called Cussing Steve - of the Jonnie Wilkinson Award for twice hitting the ceiling from 10 yards out; the continuing outstanding playmaking of Malc Hough (Houghie – please send the Ł10 for this to my home address) and a Goal of the Evening award to Bryn, who fired in a belter from the halfway line which goalie Zsu Zsu Mastin was wise to avoid. Indeed Zsu Zsu had a poor evening in goal, and may be in line for a call-up to the Scotland squad.
webmasters (Malc) addition
All the lads were looking forward to the England France game
tonight so it was a surprise when sixteen players (double the number on the
corresponding week last year) turned up. Bryn, Scouse Ron, Richard,
Harry and Bud made up the first team with Malc Stubbs, Gary, Richard
(another new player), Steve Gerrard and Steve Hart forming the second team
and Disley, John, Zsu Zsu, Dan, Rob and myself making the third. Disley's
team only managed two wins all night and to be fair that was about right as
we were a pretty disjointed outfit. The other two teams though played some
good stuff with Bryn taking the MOM for the night with an excellent bout of
scoring from all over the pitch including the first goal from a kick off for
a long time (see report above).
20th June 2004 : Wow a snappy old session tonight for some
reason but having watched the Euro 2004 games this week I couldn't help but
notice some of the continental tricks creeping in. Some crafty little nudges
and trips, plenty of shouting at any form of contact and Scouse Ron's own
form of gobbing, thankfully not the Totti liquid type. Scouse Ron, John, Zsu
Zsu, Disley, Bud and Dan played against Steve Hart, Chris, Rob, Richard,
Matt and myself in a six a side session (one player drops for each game).
The games were pretty even early on but as the sides got into it Steve's
team took control. MOM Matt was in great form netting at will much to the
annoyance of Ron and John in particular. Ron in his strange way of looking
at things just finds him boring and John interestingly thinks he's too fast
for us. I personally feel Matt is a great addition to our sessions and
raises the bar when it comes to standards. We have had some quite
exceptional players in the past who were in all fairness a rung above us
but, gradually we came to grips with them or dragged them down to our level.
As for being too fast - this is a problem I have had to live with but the
lads have learned to cope!!
27th June 2004 :
win against Croatia in Euro 2004 then came the disaster on Thursday night
when the great British public were let down by a Swiss ref and our hapless
captain Beckham. My main thoughts were we lost to a better side but could
have got a win, a bit like when we play Mary's Moaners, sometimes they get a
win. Anyway all is not lost because via this page you can visit the
referee's website and leave him some feedback by clicking on
: Alternately you can email the nice Swiss chappie using
firstname.lastname@example.org : Now I've got
that off my chest.
VETS VOTE WITH THEIR FEET
The world of vets football was rocked to its foundations tonight when Danny walked from the Mary's Moaners Squad after an intensive and exciting 45 minutes complaining bitterly that it was pointless continuing unless Scouse Ron pulled his weight. Ronnie had earlier made the point that the three squads for tonight's session were unbalanced, with the Moaners having no runners. A quick age count confirmed this to be the case, with the collective Moaners age being 378 and the other two squads 90, but this was resolved by a quick Bosman Free when the unsuspecting Harry was transferred to join the Moaners. However Ronnie still didn’t pull his weight, considerable though it is, and there was speculation that this may be due to premature tiredness resulting from a slack training regime following his new job at Ferodo.
Either way a good night was had by everyone else, with the possible exception of John ‘Kneecapper’ Goodwin, and there were some startling goals – notably two in the top left hand corner scored by respectively Houghie and Stevie Hart. Zsu Zsu Mastin excelled in goal for the first time since the sad death of Queen Victoria, and Bud had a few magnificent dribbles, but there was no overall MOM.
Editors note : Steve's squad came within two games of becoming the first team to win every game tonight after winning the first 12. Sadly like England some dodgy refereeing and Zsu Zsu guest goalkeeping put paid to it in the 13th. Still a great effort which to my mind qualifies The two Steves, Chris and myself as joint MOM this week.
4th July 2004: The dream team from last week was split up tonight with Steve Gerrard and Chris joining Bud, Scouse Ron and Richard. Disley, Dan, Paul and myself formed another team and Bryn, Zsu Zsu, John, Steve Hart the other team. Bryn back again this week wasted no time in hitting the net and continued to do so for the night. Goal of the night was scored by Steve Hart when he flew down the wing beating two players before slamming the ball home. MOM tonight goes to John the assassin who scored a beauty himself when he turned Scouse Ron inside out and the lamped the ball home. John was the backbone of his team this evening with unselfish play and crisp tackling. All round good games tonight with no team dominating and goals being spread out pretty evenly. Good to see Paul Garner back after injury and still putting the tackles in. Short report tonight as I'm about to watch the final of Euro 2004 between Portugal and Greece. Like nearly everybody you speak to I would love to see the Greeks win and who's to say they won't. I played in my AEK Athens shirt tonight and I'll certainly be rooting for them so COME ON ΕΛΛΑΣ this is your time!!!
Next week Rick will become a permanent member of our merry band as his lads go part time playing every other week. A sign of the times, cuts everywhere but the vets go from strength to strength.
11th July 2004 : Would you believe it - Greece Euro 2004 winners, it just goes to show anything is possible in football. Just the twelve of us this evening at the leisure centre - Bryn, Keith, Rob, Bud Jackson, young Craig Mills and Paul played against Steve Gerrard, Dan, Disley, Keith Proudfoot, Harry and myself. Over the night Steves team came out on top with Keith slotting in well and Dan putting in a good effort. Bryn scored well early on but faded as the night went on but MOM and star turn for his side was Bud Jackson. I think Bud played the best football I've seen from the little fella tackling and scoring well all night. Young Craig used his youthful skills well and Zsu Zsu did his best to lift his team mates to a higher level but they were unable to cope with our total football approach. When Disley sent in a couple of sighters the writing was on the wall, he peppered the goal with some awesome drives. Steve also lashed in his share tonight in a thoroughly enjoyable session. The boys who follow us on are missing the first of their alternate weeks next Sunday so we may be getting a couple of new recruits, I feel an EGM coming on - plenty of players, nice weather and the need for some liquid refreshment are the perfect ingredients, I will approach the management.
18th July 2004 : The Masters came to Manchester tonight, I don't know the result as I prefer to watch semi live when it comes on Sky TV. Niall Quinn was playing for the glorious Blues so it should be worth the wait. What always amazes me with these ex pro's is the fact that they can only play in small bursts of three or four minutes. Tonight our vets played 90 minutes non stop at four a side so who are the real masters of this game? Zsu Zsu Mastin, John Goodwin, Dan Bolton and Matt were definitely second best in the end to Steve Gerrard, Richard, myself and Keith Proudfoot. With Scouse Ron not playing this evening we were able to play without a referee which allowed both teams to play some fine free flowing football. John scored the goal of the night with a steamer into the top corner but there were plenty more decent efforts to recall. Most of the night the scores were quite close until the last 15 minutes when Steve's team took advantage of the oppositions lack of fitness. I ended the evening with the traditional golden goal, finishing off a fine pass from Keith. This week I'm starting the Get Your Kits Out Hall of Fame Page so keep a look out for some names from the past or who knows, maybe there are a few Masters of our own in New Mills who are still kickin' it!!!!
Suggested dates for the Special EGM - Fri 14th or Sat 15th August.
25th July 2004 : Twelve players tonight with Scouse Ron, Steve Hart, Dan, Rob, Richard and myself playing against John, Zsu Zsu, Disley, Matt, Harry and Nigel. John's team came out on top over the evening but there were quite a few excellent games. My Grandsons came down to watch tonight and it was a bit embarrassing to hear them shouting come on Grandad, that just gave the lads a bit more ammunition to fire at me. Best goal tonight was a pearler on the half volley from Harry which flew in and left Harry with a look of amazement that was a joy to see. Bollocking of the night left Scouse Ron in awe as Stevie Hart screamed at Dan, "will ye nae pass the f*****g ball!!!!" Now Dan wasn't having the best of nights but for the next three games he attempted to pass to Steve from pretty much anywhere he received it. The popular Merseysider was in fact a little subdued tonight and faded after a promising start. His attempt in goal to save a soft little bobbler which trickled through his legs almost caused him to do a forward roll as he reached down and back between his size 12's, not a pretty sight. New shoes (actually borrowed from his lady) made a big improvement to Harry's Game. The little feller showed some good skills and stayed on his feet for the majority of the night. MOM tonight - Disley playing with a smile again.
All in all a good night inspite of the missing regulars, Chris, Steve, Bud, Paul etc. Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin is travelling over to the bog they call Southern Ireland to punish his family for a fortnight in the pissing rain, doesn't he know there are nearly 2 million holidays unsold in places where the sun does shine.........
1st August 2004 :
Lots of revelations at the
Leisure Centre tonight as Chris returns from the
Balearics with a serious sun tan and news breaks about one of our chaps
getting married in Thailand. Nine vets tonight so we played four a side
with a ref. Scouse Ron, Chris, John, Rob, Keith Proudfoot, Disley,
Richard, Nigel and myself did battle this evening in a very enjoyable
session. John just about deserved the MOM tonight scoring well and after a
couple of tasty tackles somehow avoided retribution. Scouse Ron played
with a smile on his face all night, he must have come up on the Lottery or
something or maybe tonight's the night! No Bryn again this evening,
I don't expect he'll be appearing again next week if his beloved Staly
Celtic lose to Hyde United on Tuesday night, a win for the Tigers looks on
the cards to me. Going back to the Thai wedding, I was told by a regular
visitor to Thailand it's a case of what you see isn't always what you get.
Still I'm sure Kevin will tell us all about it when he returns. I've also
had an email this week from Dave Huddart who has just moved up to Gods
Country here in the North and wants a game with us. No problem as all new
players are made welcome but there is a slight worry about John's delayed
8th August 2004 :
Poor old Man UniŁed get
turned over by Arsenal in the Charity Shield 3-1 and City win their first
game of the season at COMS by the same score against crack Serie A
Lazio but Hyde (picture left - Dootson saves for Staly) failed to beat
rivals Stalybridge losing 3-0 (see the Non League Page). A good
weekend though was enhanced by a brilliant 5 a side session at the leisure
centre. A good mix of youth, middle age and old farts served up some
excellent games. Scouse Ron, Bryn, John, Matt represented Mary's Moaners,
Steve Hart and Gerrard, Chris, Rob and myself made up the second team with
Dan, Malcolm Stubbs, Richard, Keith Proudfoot and his mate Paul the third
team. Paul made a good start especially as he hasn't played for a long
while and Dan had a good night. Matt struggled to fit in with the Mary's
Moaners who failed to utilise his speed and skill. They came into their
own when they berated young Rob for daring to award a free kick against
them, poor old Matt looked bemused, he'll never make a moaner. The two
Steves were the pick of my team tonight but Chris was a different player
to last week. MOM tonight goes to Keith for quietly getting on with the
game and scoring a good few goals. Richard had to leave the action after
an hour due to a 50/50 tackle that became a 65/35 tackle and Rob almost
joined him after John's delayed retribution from last week launched him
into the wall. Not Rob's night but I'm sure he'll be back to give it
another go next week.
15th August 2004:
UniŁed as predicted are only
three points behind the top team (Arsenal) and two behind my beloved Man
City, Zsu Zsu returned from Ireland a pale and rain soaked man and joined
the vets in a cracking 4 a side. Zsu Zsu Mastin, Steve Gerrard, Rob and
myself faced Bryn, John, Dan and Nigel. I have to admit 4 a side is
probably the hardest 90 minutes we have to play on a Sunday evening, no
place to hide and non stop running. A we slumped in the dressing room
bemoaning our aching muscles John shrewdly pointed out that there are a
lot of people in Christies (the top Manchester Cancer Hospital) who would
gladly take our place. How right he is although as I sit here typing this
report my old body is reminding me that you can only push it so far as I
leap out of my chair with cramp in my thigh.
29th August 2004 : Just made it back tonight after spending the weekend at my daughters in Poulton Le Fylde but sadly only eight vets turned out. No football last week as the Leisure Centre Sports Hall was being resurfaced. My usual squad of the two Steves, Chris and myself took on Bryn, Scouse Ron, Zsu Zsu and Keith Proudfoot (Proudie). The new surface was a problem for our team tonight and we failed to adapt. Bryn's team though with their Wimbledonesque style of hit and run well and truly left us beaten. Proudie and Scouse Ron linked together well and provided the ammunition for Bryn to return to his best scoring form. Scouse Ron astonished me with his non stop contribution illustrated by the fact he was still running at five to seven! Zsu Zsu revelled in this team and chipped in with a good few himself. As for my team the less said the better, a couple of rants from the two Steves made not an ounce of difference although I think we all put the effort in. Steve Hart made the save of the night when he threw himself across his goal mouth to fingertip the ball over as it travelled towards the top corner, we all gasped in awe. Steve Gerrard probably has his mind on the forthcoming arrival of his second child due any day so we can excuse the boy somewhat. Anyway MOM goes to Proudie who made all the difference to what's left of Mary's Moaners and I have to reluctantly admit to being well thrashed tonight but, there's always another week and hopefully it will be next week, my last before going over to Greece for my youngest daughters wedding.
19th September 2004
: Good to be back at the
Leisure Centre after a fantastic week on Rhodes. This was a good chance to
test my bouncebackability after a couple of weeks inactivity. Scouse Ron,
Bryn, Disley, Dan, Bud and Steve Hart were our opposition. I joined Rob, the
returning Robbie, Chris, Zsu Zsu and Matt in a fizzing nights football.
Ron's team just about came out on top although I think we gave them a fair
old game. Stevie Hart took the MOM with a good all round performance and
more than his usual tally of goals including a superb toe ender that left
the keeper well beaten. Matt was our top man with some classic goals
including one where he flew past Ron and Bryn as if they were statues before
lashing the ball in. I did ok tonight but after being manhandled by the over
enthusiastic Dan Bolton and refused a free kick I spat more than my dummy
out and will have to visit the dentist to get it fixed, very embarrassing!
26th September 2004
: Great news tonight with
Steve Gerrard's return and the arrival of his baby daughter. I hope
she brings him as much pleasure as my daughters have given me, we wish her a
healthy and happy life.
3rd October 2004 :
Due to a serious virus attack
my computer has been unusable for a day or three. I have Norton 2004 and
firewalls but still the cursed thing got through and rendered my machine
useless. So just a quickie report today (Thursday) about last Sundays superb
session. Steve Gerrard, Steve Hart, Chris and myself did battle with Zsu
Zsu, Karl, Bud, young Jamie and newbie Tony from Hayfield. My team were
joined by Rick for the last half hour.
A taste of the past
Get Your Kits Out Zine 14 - yes the first
of the back issues to be re-issued, this was one of my favourites so
download it now and have a giggle or three. You will need ADOBE READER
installed on your computer to read or print it out, if you don't have it you
can easily download it free from - COMING SOON ZINE 6 (a collectors piece)
DOWNLOAD NOW - Worse than Robbie? AVI movie 707kb approx 6 mins @ 56k