Vets Weekly News

May 2003 - October 2003
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18th May 2003: Another birthday for me this week which thankfully passed without any fuss, 57 now so it's 3 years to the bus pass and still kicking a ball around. Now Old Mooro seems to have hung up his boots it leaves me the senior vet. When we started the vets over 15 years ago, Tony and I sat down and said we would both love to think we could still play at 60. We were both in our early 40's then so it seemed a long way off, well tonight it felt a lot further off as at times my lungs felt like bursting, isn't life a git!  On the football front we had one of those brill sessions when everybody had their moments. Disley, Bryn, Mike Kelly, Zou Zou, John, Kevin, Steve, Scouse Ron and myself turned out, pity there weren't a few more. Chris has been off for a week or two, injured in his last appearance so hopefully back next week. Arsenal won the Cup with a typical Gunners 1-0 win in a very dull final and Beckham changed his hairstyle and looks a bigger tart than ever. City lose their last game at Maine Road again - to Leeds Under 17's in the academy final. England play South Africa on Thursday and the Jocko's play Northern Ireland, now there's a blockbuster of a fixture.   

Where are they Now No.1

                  John Brooke
 John has not been seen now for a
 long while, believed to be in the
 Sheffield area - Check out John at
 work in this picture - Click Here

25th May 2003: My older brothers birthday today, so had a few drinks at lunch time and later went down to the Leisure Centre to run them off at football. Big problem... only five of us turned up, still had a game though of two a side shooting into one goal, just like when we were kids. myself, John, Bryn, Kevin and Mike Kelly had a good run round and a lot of laughs so things weren't too bad. No Chris again this week so I might give him a bell to see what the problem is - injury, holidays or maybe knackered. Zou Zou was over in the bog they call Southern Ireland this weekend so we claimed a freebie. Lets hope for a better turnout next week to get the funds back up.
Rangers won the Scottish Premier today and Cardiff were promoted to the first division with their win over QPR. Bournemouth won the third division playoff on Friday beating Lincoln. Big one tomorrow - Wolves v Sheffield United for a place in the mega bucks premier league, whoever wins that one will be favourites to come straight back down next season a la West Brom.

1st June 2003: Flaming June arrived today but most of the lads weren't at the Leisure centre to enjoy it. Zou Zou, Craig, Andy Hackney, John, Disley, Kevin and myself still had a good run out with some pretty decent football played.  Disley played superbly tonight, for a rotund chappie he certainly defied the laws of gravity with a hatful of goals. I had an email from Fossie this week, the lads alive and well in St Albans, still scratching a living out of advising others on how to spend their dosh and crowing about his beloved Man Uni£ed. It would be nice to see him back down with his buddies at the leisure centre although there aren't many of them left. Well it's off to Turkey for me next weekend so no 5 a side until the 22nd although I hope to have a run out in Turkey, I'm no stranger to the International game!!!
This is where Janice and I will be staying in Kemer - Southern Turkey. A nice 5 star jobbie my old mate Ramazan from Yalikavak organised for us, there's a great football facility on site where his cousin plays so I hope to get a run out in the sun. Looks nice for swimming as well - oh yes, I'll have some of that matey!

8th June 2003: (Report by a guest writer) : 8 vets turned up tonight - Keith, Scouse Ron, Andy, Mike, Steve, John, Robbie  and Disley. Things seemed pretty even (to everyone except Scouse Ron). Then Rick, from the 7pm crowd arrived, allowing us to make it 4 a side and a ref, with the ability to rotate the sides. This came just in time, as Ron was about to call it a day.
He had been moaning to truly international standards, about no-one running, people giving the ball away needlessly, team-mates not passing, while he was not running, giving the ball away needlessly and not passing!
With the ref, things definitely improved, although our Robbie may dispute this, as a gentle shoulder charge from Big Ron almost lifted him into the middle of next week! That incident apart, an enjoyable evening was had by all, but numbers really do need to improve.
Where is Chris , people are asking? Keeping Lord Lucan company, one wag retorted! Wherever he is, heís not been playing football for a while. What, with our playmaker away in Turkey, things could be better. Letís hope for a renaissance in the fortunes of the New Mills Vets!

22nd June 2003: Great to be back tonight at the leisure centre. I managed to get a game in while in Turkey last week but at the unearthly time of 3am due to the day time heat and the waiters and hotel staff all working. It was spooky going from floodlights to sunrise during a game. I like to think I passed on some of my playmaking skills to the very skilful Turks of Goynuk. Back to tonight though, it was great to see plenty of lads turning out  with Bryn, Disley, John, Bud, Robbie and new player Paul  Garner playing against myself, Steve, Andy making his debut, Andy Hackney, Mike and Zou Zou Mastin. It has to be said that with me and Zou Zou playmaking it was a case of total domination as Stevie Hart and young Andy Hackney scored with ease. Our cause was helped with Bryn having an off night with some wayward shooting and Disley just wayward shooting. Our debutant Andy also weighed in with his share of scoring. Half time we traded our top scorer Andy Hackney for Robbie who was being starved of decent service to add some zest to their faltering attack. Robbie didn't let us down with some exquisite goals, certainly not looking out of place in the Inter Milan shirt he played in tonight. I keep saying it but you just can't beat a good nights football played in good spirit whether it be in some exotic location or just the leisure centre in New Mills.  
FOOTNOTE : City started their move to their new Stadium this week - Gray Mare Lane will never be the same.

29th June 2003:   Wimbledon fortnight is upon us again and as usual it's up to Tim Henman to keep the flag flying for Britain as all the other up and comers crash out  early doors. The ex Canadian Junior Champion Greg Rusedski, was fined £1500 for swearing, bloody good job Scouse Ron doesn't play tennis! On the football side it was another disappointing turnout tonight but a really good game of football. Myself, Disley and John Goodwin took on Michael Jackson, Paul  Garner and Zou Zou Mastin in a closely fought three a side thriller. Disley was on form tonight helping our side to a double, winning both 45 minute sessions by 4 clear goals. Paul  Garner looks like a good addition to the vets but we still need more commitment from our regular players or some more new faces. I'm getting in touch with the New Mills Juniors this week in an attempt to resurrect our 11 a side fixture with the under 16's. A good chance to gauge how our latest crop of crocks do against the youngsters. At present we lead by two wins to one.

6th July 2003:  Wimbledon over and Henman bites the dust in the quarter finals, what was all the fuss about? meanwhile back at the leisure centre tonight we had four a side, that's one better than last week so if all goes to plan next week might be all ticket!!! Scouse Ron, Zou Zou, Paul  Garner and Bud Jackson played Steve Hart, the fit again (was he ever fit in the first place) Chris Lucan , Kevin English and myself. A very tight match ended 18-17 in our favour after Scouse Ron inspired his side to a great comeback from 5 goals behind to level at 15-15. Paul  Garner gets better by the game but as Steve and myself hit goal scoring form he had to settle for second place. Chris came back well with no reaction to his injury which was tested to the full when Scouse Ron launched him before tucking the ball in for a rare scouse goal.  I've made the first move for two friendlies on grass, as well as the Juniors I think we may have another crack at Furness Vale.

13th July 2003: Only eight again this week as Steve Hart, Paul  Garner, Chris and myself took on Bryn Meredith, Scouse Ron, Bud Jackson and Robbie. My side had the edge during the first half as Steve and Paul knocked in the goals at will. Chris was tackling like a demon and looking a lot fitter. As fitness goes it has to be said that Ron was carrying an injury as well as the rest of his side. Bryn had one of those irritating nights when his school boy tactics and general petulant behaviour let his team mates down although he did net a couple of pretty decent goals. At half time we swapped Paul for Robbie but continued where we left off with Steve and Chris pressuring their tiring defence and Robbie chipping in with a few goals. Goal of the night was a close call with Robbie's lightning reflexes a close second to Paul  Garners drive past me which bent more than a Stockport copper.  We still need more players with Zou Zou in Ireland next week, Steve in Chicago and Scouse Ron facing a late fitness test (that should be worth watching, more interesting than Beckham's live one in Madrid).

20th July 2003: A good turn out tonight with Scouse Ron failing his fitness test (when did he ever pass one) Zou Zou and Stevie Hart away, we still managed eight. Chris , Bud Jackson, Craig Mills and myself came up against the returning John Goodwin, Disley, Kevin English and Paul  Garner. A great tussle it turned out to be with Disley inspiring his team to come from behind a number of times before taking a late lead. The last few minutes were frantic with both sides threatening a winner - it was young Craig Mills who eventually got it with the last kick of the night. A thoroughly enjoyable night and certainly the closest game we've had for many a moon. Dare I say a bumper turnout next week, or will it be back to three a side? 
Here's one that slipped off the JUST FOR FUN page : A man is speeding in his car down Stockport way when on the side of the road he sees Bryn our friendly Police Officer  lurking in a driveway with a radar gun. Since the man was speeding and Bryn had a strop on he pulls him over and this is how the conversation goes:

Bryn: Sir why were you speeding?
Man: I am late for work
Bryn: And what do you do that is so important?
Man: I am a rectum stretcher?
Bryn: A what?
Man: A rectum stretcher
Bryn: How the hell do you do that?
Man: Well first I start with 2 fingers and stretch it a bit and then more fingers until both my hands are in there and I stretch it to about 6 feet.
Bryn: What the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole
Man: Put him in a uniform and give him a radar gun   

27th July 2003: Every time I predict a  bumper turnout we get just the opposite, I was genuinely stunned when only seven turned out this week. Even Rick from the 7.30 lot didn't turn up tonight. Still as usual we soldiered on with Steve Hart, Paul  Garner, John Goodwin and myself taking on Bryn Meredith, Disley and Craig Mills. I have to say with Bryn, Disley and Craig all playing really well my side were taking a panning so we reverted to three a side with a ref which worked out fine. John played well tonight netting some nice goals and Steve hit a scoring vane before picking up a knock later on. Paul had a mare, his first one in all fairness. I must say that I hesitate to guess how many will turn up next week but Zou Zou should be back to add some classic touches and hopefully the Scouser should be approaching what passes for fitness in the Buttery household so you never can tell!

3rd August 2003:  Another month and another crap turnout tonight, only 5 bothered to turn out on a sweltering Sunday evening. Bryn, Paul, Disley, John and myself soldiered on in a game of 2 a side with one goal. I have to admit we all thoroughly enjoyed the kick about with plenty of laughs and a fair few good goals. I'm going to see if I can put together a guest team for next Sunday to gee the session up a bit. I don't know what the solution is, there must be a few blokes out there in their twilight years who fancy a game of football but how do we find them, I don't know!  I think I need another holiday. WARNING - Scouse Ron is on the loose in Devon and Cornwall, prepare to insert ear plugs at a moments notice!!!               

10th August 2003:  Well, what with me watching City entertaining Barcelona, a meagre 6 vets turned up on Sunday night: Scouse Ron, John, Keith, Paul,  Robbie, and Steve. Still, they had an enjoyable night of 3 a side, all played in very good humour, apart from one Scouse blast to Robbie, which went somewhat along the lines of, "Will you kick the f****** thing?" Robbie took this in his stride, although he looked a shadow of his normal self. "Is this possible?" you ask. John told Robbie at the start he looked fucked, and Robbie agreed. "I am fucked", he said. Sadly, no details emerged as to who, or what, had done the alleged fucking!
After an hour's energetic running, both Robbie and Steve had problems with their Achilles. (allegedly coincidence this, so don't read anything into it!) They played the remaining half hour in goals. Prior to this, there had been some sensational misses, the best of which has to be attributed to Zou Zou Mastin, who, with no-one else in the same half of the pitch, had 3 attempts on the unguarded goal, one after the other: the first 2 hit the bench, with the third going way over the bar!
Aside from Achilles injuries, the most horrific injury happened to our much maligned Scouse friend. After taking off his training shoes several times, and applying bandages, plasters and finally adhesive tape, Ron revealed that his shoes were rubbing, and showed us all the cut. A full 10mm in diameter, with blood nowhere in sight, John Goodwin and Steve almost fainted at seeing such a horrific wound. Others were less charitable, and I'm told that phrases like "Big Wuss" and "Big Girl's Blouse" were being muttered. Unfortunately, I am unable to confirm this. The picture on the right confirms that since childhood, Ron has suffered with blisters!!!
So, a very enjoyable evening ended with Keith scoring the golden goal, and all 6 participants lamenting the absence of their one, true playmeister. Sorry boys but being at Maine Road, sorry, The City of Manchester Stadium (Blue Camp) watching City, play Barcelona was too much for me to resist! Watching Ronaldinho, Dani, Kluivert, Overmars, Garcia, and Bernarbia can only improve my game, we will see next week.
Thank you to my mystery reporter who shall remain nameless.

17th August 2003: Just as I suspected my game came on leaps and bounds this week, not surprising considering all the skill I saw at the City of Manchester Stadium. How can you watch players of that standard and not pick up a few tips. Good to see Zou Zou back this week and Chris returned from Minorca with a tan so dark that we nearly broke through the colour barrier - remember in over 15 years we still haven't had

Don't attempt this one at home folks, it took me years of practice to learn this one.

   a black player join one of our sessions. Just the six of us tonight although Rick was good
  enough to play and make  it seven, with another 90 minutes with his own group who
  follow us on. John Goodwin (full of flu), Kevin English  and Bud Jackson made up the
  players tonight in a 3 a side with the benches. Good stuff though with Chris and
  myself getting more than our usual share of goals. Next week I'm hoping to get a new
  team out to spice the session up a little, we need some young blood to give us a fresh
  challenge.  Scouse Ron's blister doesn't appear to have healed but hopefully the boy will
  be back encouraging us all next week....

24th August 2003: When Chris Wilson played with the vets he always left the changing rooms with the same remark, "thanks for the game lads" as if it were a privilege to play. Well as Chris was in his twilight playing days it was a privilege to play and there are a few of us who still believe that. Sadly that number is dwindling and unless we can arrest it we will no longer have to opportunity to thank anyone for the game and that would be a shame.
On a lighter note I decided to jog down in my kit to the centre on Friday night for a game of Squash. On the way down a white van driver shouted out of his window "one one eight - one one eight." this miffed me a bit but it could have been worse, he could have shouted "one nine two!!"
Just five again tonight with Zou Zou, Chris , John Goodwin and Paul  Garner joining myself for a really enjoyable game. I think I'll predict a poor turn out for next week in the hope that I'm wide of the mark again.
Met up with Old Mooro and the fat cat this week, they're looking well past it but have both still just about got a pulse.

31st August 2003: Went to watch the glorious Blues play Arsenal today so missed the footy at the leisure centre - was it worth it, just about I suppose. So no report but things in the week took my notice especially that weirdo David Blain. Yes the one that does death defying feats like standing on poles for days on end and such stuff. This week he produced a shocking trick appearing to cut off his own ear! The gathered press gasped in horror as he stamped his foot in apparent pain and screamed "this fucking hurts man!!"  The mind boggles, next week he is going to be suspended in a 7' x 3' plexi glass box with no food for 44 days. That's not brave it's foolhardy. If he survives that he says that for his next feat he's going to lock himself in a 9' x 9' room with no windows or lights with Scouse Ron, now that's bloody brave!!!

7th September 2003: At last a real 5 a side as Bryn, Scouse Ron, John Goodwin, Zou Zou Mastin and Chris take on Steve Hart, Paul  Garner, Disley, Robbie and myself in an excellent 90 minute session. Scouse Ron led the moaners to a well deserved 27 - 18 win with some great passing football. My side matched them for all of  15 minutes before Bryn and Chris started a goal glut. John Goodwin hit a blinder from just over the half way line and then Zou Zou matched him. As for my side, with Steve returning from 2 weeks in Majorca and Robbie from the Dominican Republic, Disley missing for a few weeks, me missing last week we were bound to be a bit disjointed but we can only play better next week so Moaners be ready - we will be back!  Only 4 turned up last week which wasn't so good - dare I predict another 10 next week? I'll be off to watch the blues hopefully notch their first win at the new "Maine Road" next Sunday but will have the old Rover ready to dash back to the leisure centre for the footy. David Blain was looking a little pasty today in his plexi box - lets hope for a heat wave in London this week.

21st September 2003 : Just got back in time for the 5 a side after watching the blues stonk Villa 4-1. Craig, Steve, Disley, Bud and myself took on John, Paul, Zou Zou, Robbie and Chris. After a frantic start my side started to dominate, especially with Disley firing in some pile-drivers for a change. we swapped around after that but still had a pretty decent session. Steve Hart had to pull out after half an hour or so with recurring Achilles trouble, looks like he might be missing for a few weeks. Rick joined us for the remainder of the game and I get the impression that he prefers to play with our squad rather than the lads who follow us on, the skill level is a good couple of notches up!!!   Spurs at the new Maine Road next Sunday so Chris and I will be missing again, will anyone notice?  I'm trying to put a team of youths out to test the boys, we will see. I've just heard a bloke has been moved on from a rowing boat underneath David Blain's plexi box, he was cooking bacon on a primus stove.

28th September 2003 : Just got back from the new Maine Road after watching City rip Spurs apart for 90 minutes and end up 0-0. Great goalkeeping and alarming finishing were the main reasons in one of the most one sided games I have seen for many a moon. Down at the Leisure centre my boy, Dylan, sorted out some opposition for the vets as we were short handed this week. Dylan was unable to play because of a chest injury but Zou Zou stood in for him and by all accounts they gave the vets a good turning over. I'll get more info when I have a chat to Zou Zou next week. Still it was another 10 player turnout so things could be worse. Get Your Kits Out will start a publicity drive this week to get three or four new regular players, we need them to keep the Sunday nights going.

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