Vets news Archives
July 2001 - December 2001



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 The boys at the Sycamore for the cats 50th.

 Back : Malc Hough, John (the assassin) Goodwin, Keith Zou Zou Mastin,
Scouse Ron Buttery, Tony (the Cat) Gavin. Front : Anthony
Moore and Bryn Meredith



Sun 15th July: It seems an age since the last report at the Leisure Centre but as expected the turnout was low due to the summer holidays and the Fat Cats injured finger nail. Scouse Ron was back to his snapping snarling best as he tried in vain to lift his team. Chris Anthony was trying to avoid any physical confrontations with the assassin before he takes off for Minorca next week. John the Assassin Goodwin is himself off on a long weekend break to Dublin next weekend with the missus so he was taking a softly softly approach if there is such a thing with the dark destroyer. Bryn had the luxury of the two top playmakers in his side with Malc and Zou Zou Mastin both carving out the opportunities for him to miss. Zou Zou scored the goal of the evening with a nifty little curler. Tony Moore joined the sun-seekers this week with a trip to Portugal so he missed the session, having said that he probably had a session of his own over there, as he said before he left, "When in Portugal, do as the Romans do????"

Left - Zou Zou Mastin's devotion to Jesus was never in doubt as a youngster Right - Tony Gavin had a strange sense of curiosity in the early years – something that he’s never lost.



Sun 22nd July: Well the friendlies kicked off in earnest all over the country yesterday and gave us a nudge just to remind us that the season is about to start. Although these games are labelled friendlies they are indeed quite serious with players eager to impress upon their managers that they are worthy of a place in the starting line-up come the first league game. With this in mind you would have thought the vets would turn out in force to give it their all, but this was not the case tonight as we were reduced to three a side. Desperate measures were called for so we played two touch and abandoned the over head height rule. This threw up a number of interesting oddities such as Rogers inability to get the ball under control with four or five touches let alone two. With Malc and Zou Zou both revelling under the restrictions Bryn was able to capitalise on their playmaking skills with a bag full of headed goals. Ian Lemonzic also took advantage of the over head height rule with some seriously long hoofs up the pitch. Tony Moore and Bud returned from Portugal and made an appearance in the White Hart looking tanned and fat but both should be back at the Leisure Centre next week with John Goodwin who is 50 this week. Zou Zou Mastin is off to Ireland next week to celebrate his 29th Anniversary.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight." - Kevin Keegan

Sun 29th July : The unkindest snip of them all, yes one of the vets who shall remain nameless had to suffer at the hand or should I say scalpel, of ex-vet Dr Williams this week. The saddest thing is we couldn't all be there to watch, thankfully the nurse had her Brownie at hand. It must be 10 years since Dave Williams played with the vets but to this day he still has a picture of John Goodwin on his desk to remind him of the time he tried to skip past the assassin who promptly ended his 5 a side football career, as Tony Moore said,"If a jobs worth doing, it's worth doing."  However it would be a mistake for John to seek a vasectomy with Dr Scissor Hands Williams. The other big talking point this week was "Big Brother" ending this week thus leaving an enormous gap in our lives. Myself I can't understand what people see in watching a bunch of sad losers on TV, sat round engaged in pointless conversation and petty attempts at humour when, they could come to the White Hart any Sunday evening and take part in the real thing.... As for the football tonight it paled into insignificance due to the number of players who were on holiday and the fact that Bryn couldn't play due to..... well..... other reasons.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Liverpool will be without Kvarme tonight - he's illegible. Jimmy Armfield 


Sun 5th August : The expected large turnout this week never happened as we were reduced to 3 a side. Tony Moore, Ian Lemonzic (Disley) and John Goodwin took on Malc Hough, Chris Anthony and Steve Hart. Tony Moore turned back the years with a couple of cameo goals and Disley netted more than his usual share but, it was John Goodwin who cast aside his reputation as the assassin and turned into super striker with a performance that stunned everybody, scoring at will. Chris Anthony looked as if he was still on the beach having just returned from Minorca with a tan that would put Frank Bruno to shame. Malc's form was affected by the fact that he hasn't had a holiday this month, yet. Steve Hart is off for a fortnights holiday in the sun this week but hopefully Zou Zou will return from the Bog they call Ireland next weekend. Our un-named vet's operation seems to have been a success judging from our latest picture from the New Mills Clinic but we won't know for sure until he returns for the sample test soon. I hear the little booth where you choke the one eyed snake is bugged so we will try to get hold of the pictures. 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 'It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road.' - (Alan Green) 

Sun 12th August:
Another disappointing turnout this week with only Tony Moore, John Goodwin, Malc Hough, Scouse Ron and Chris Anthony turning up. We were bolstered by the inclusion of a couple of youngsters and a passer by which made the session bearable. After a glaring miss by young Craig Mills Chris Anthony commented, "You don't win anything with kids in your team!" Next week we should see a milestone reached with our team of over 50's making it's first appearance hopefully with a decent turnout to test them. As Tony Moore said, "you need at least eight people to turn up if you are playing 5 a side football!!!" 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I think we could go through the whole season without losing a game…….David Beckham


Sun 19th August: A milestone was indeed reached this evening with the vets turning out their first ever over 50's 5 a side team. Tony Moore, Malc Hough, Keith Mastin, Tony Gavin and John Goodwin made up the team of half centurions with a total age of 266 years. After the celebratory photo they played a team of youngsters in the first game of the night running out 4-3 winners in a furious contest. Tony the cat Gavin made a number of seriously good saves which astounded everybody after his months absence. In the game that followed Malc had to retire into goal after injuring his ankle which left the two fattest blokes on the pitch in opposite goals. Bryn returned looking slightly lighter but ready for action, and was soon amongst the goals unlike Disley who was trying to destroy the roof. Young Kevin huffed and puffed his way through the session and then spent the rest of the evening in the White Hart chatting up Pods Thai bird, interesting. 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I'm not disappointed - just disappointed. - Kevin Keegan  


Sun 26th August : No Assassin this week so everybody could play with a certain amount of confidence and hitherto the football flowed with a swagger seldom seen down Hyde Bank for many a moon. Bryn and Scouse Ron were unstoppable with playmakers Zou Zou Mastin and Malc playmaking and Chris Anthony tackling like a man possessed. Billy Ney made a surprise return to Sunday nights and with his enthusiasm and drive just about shaded top player for the opposition who included Disley, Michael Jackson, youngsters Kevin and Lee. Plenty of players away again but Malc bumped into Frankie Burton this week and the great moaner has threatened a comeback soon, we shall have to wait and see. Due to lack of funds it looks likely that Shylock Mastin will raise the ante, we will have to make a decision soon on that one but as Tony Moore said, "I you want me to make a snap decision, I want time to think about it!!" 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I'm glad I'm joining Lazio, they're one of the biggest clubs in the world - Jaap Stam, yawn yawn.. 


Tues 4th September : Magnificent England, bloody marvellous show by the lads. It was great to hear our resident Evertonian, Scouse Ron singing the praises of Liverpool's Steve Gerrard, we all agreed he was England's top performer on Saturday night despite Michael Owen hitting a superb hat-trick. With the Under 21's also winning things are looking quite rosy for the England teams. In sharp contrast to our international performances the vets were complete shite on Sunday. Malc, John Goodwin, Bryn and Steve Hart all struggled with injuries and Scouse Ron just struggled. The night was tempered with the sad news of Billy Ney being badly beaten up on a trip to Chester Races, so severely that he is in hospital fighting for his life. We all wish him well and hope he makes a speedy recovery







Thursday 6th September : News broke this morning in the worst possible way when we heard Bill had lost his fight for life on Wednesday Evening in Fazackerley Hospital. I have only known Bill through the Vets five a side but, I know him well enough to judge what a decent bloke he was. He played hard and fair and enjoyed his football very much. We as the vets will all miss Bill an awful lot.



Sun 9th Sept : Good turnout tonight with Paul son of Mooro joining us and generally taking the piss out of us old giffers. John Goodwin was on fire tonight, he just couldn't miss. if John was on top of his game Malc was at the bottom of his with a woeful performance, marginally worse than team mate Scouse Ron. Tony Gavin made his Bi Monthly appearance and stunned us all with another string of top notch saves. The session was keenly fought but an out of sorts Roger Graham had to stop early after a collision with John Goodwin (for once the assassin was completely blameless), and sadly was spotted later in the evening being taken into an ambulance.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong. - Kevin Keegan again. 


Sun 16th Sept : Good news about Roger filtered through this week, possible broken ribs and damaged pride so hopefully Roger will dust himself off and get back soon. No Bryn this week or John Goodwin but a decent turn out and a very hard fought session. Scouse Ron had four half centurions in his team to moan at tonight with the cat in goal playing like Lev Yashin, Malc and Zou Zou running the midfield and Tony Moore lapping everything up at the back. Steve Hart and Disley did their best to compete but it was all too much with the more experienced team running out comfortable winners. Later on the boys in the White Hart decided it was time to make an impassioned plea to Stevie Hart to update his Heart of Midlothian shirt, surely the one he has been wearing for the past two decades is ready for renewal, as Tony Moore said, "Stevie Hart is the only player I know who can dribble and still look neat!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 'And so they have not been able to improve on their hundred percent record.' (Sports Roundup) 


Sun 23rd September : A real blood and thunder contest this week when Mary's moaners reformed and for once played the opposition off the park. No fat fingers Gavin this week, he's really splashed out with a holiday on the Riviera (the one in Devon) but his replacement young Mooro certainly gave the opposition a run around. His dad got stuck in as well with another vintage display and it was good to see Bryn back and firing on all cylinders as they say. John Goodwin the assassin lived up to his name with a diabolical challenge on Steve Hart which left the old Jocko flat on his back, thankfully only his pride was damaged. The final member of Mary's moaners was Scouse Ron who had no one to verbally abuse in his own team because they were playing so well, so he orally assaulted the opposition instead just for good measure. Disley was the pick of the opposition tonight although young Kevin ripped in a couple of humdingers. Foot note (or considerably less I believe) : The recent snipping of our unnamed vet has been tested by hand, as yet we don't have the results but we soon will. 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : 'More football later, but first let's see the goals from the Scottish Cup final.' - DES LYNAM 


Sun 30th September : Nigel our Irish vet returned for to-night and his first observation was that all the loonies were together on the same side. Another old face making a welcome come back was Simon Waddington who was on the end of a Scouse Ron verbal assault after only three minutes. Poor old Scouse Ron is starting to lose it, indeed not only his usual targets playing for the opposition were given their weekly dose of the Scouse monologue but poor old Zou Zou Mastin was turned on by the Mary's Moaner and even the assassin came in for an oral volley or three. As we are all only too aware most of the folk born within the shadows of the Liver Birds aren't the brightest of people but they were always admired for their wit, perhaps one week the Scouse one will revert to having a laugh again or is he really losing it? Old Mooro has nipped over to Benidorm for 7 days so he'll be back refreshed next week and rumour has it that Robbie is about to rerturn. 


Sun 7th October : The four oldest players, Malc, Mooro, Zou Zou and the assassin joined up with Steve Hart tonight and panned the opposition 31 - 15. Ian Lemonzic, Chris Anthony, Michael Jackson, Simon Waddington and the returning Martin Street couldn't contain the old masters. Goals came thick and fast with Steve Hart smacking in a pile driver or two, pity his fellow Jocko's couldn't manage the same yesterday against the might of Latvia. I think poor old Craig Brown was one of the saddest sights I have seen in football for a long time, nearly as sad as the look on Rudi Voller's mush when golden bollocks popped in that late late free kick. Bad news this week about Bryn Meredith who looks like missing a number of weeks due to an ankle injury which thankfully doesn't prevent him walking down to the White Hart. 


Sun 14th October: The vets were down to 4 a side tonight with Malc, Steve Hart, Scouse Ron and Chris Anthony taking on Ian Lemonzic (Disley), Simon Waddington, Tony Moore and Zou Zou Mastin. Smooth passing and silky skills from reborn Scouse Ron inspired Malc's team to a 13 - 9 victory, not bad after 90 minutes. Steve Hart had a nightmare trying to hit the target tonight but thankfully his team mates weighed in with a few each. Disley's team struggled to match their opponents but came with a late flurry late on when Old Mooro had to be subbed because of his asthma, as Tony said later, "I hope I'm ill, I'd hate to be well and feel like this!"  We may have to start a recruitment drive if the numbers of regular players don't rise, the cat only makes the odd appearance these days and with Roger and Bryn on the long term injury list we could do with a couple of 35 year olds for our youth team.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:" Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."  Man UniŁed Fan on Radio 5 


Sunday 21st October: Sitting watching the glorious Man City lose to Preston today didn't fill me with enthusiasm for the trip down to the Leisure centre. With Zou Zou Mastin in the bog over the water they call Southern Ireland and Bryn in Lanzarote numbers were bound to be down and indeed they were. No Tony Gavin (yet again), Bud, young Kevin, old Mooro, Steve Hart or the injured Roger Graham left us with 4 a side. Ian Lemonzic, Chris Anthony, Malc and another returning old face, Alistair took on Scouse Ron, John Goodwin, Simon Waddington and Martin Street. Chris and Ian played blinders feeding Malc and Alistair who both scored at will all night leaving Scouse Ron's team well beaten. It's looking more and more likely we will have to start a recruitment drive for new players to play regularly 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:' To be honest, I can't remember him scoring a goal that wasn't memorable.' - JEROME ANDERSON (agent) 


Sunday 28th October : Six a side tonight with rolling subs made for a very good session. Mary's moaners reformed with the cat turning out for his monthly appearance and the welcome return of Bryn Meredith, slightly tanned from his trip to Lanzarote. The moaners team was completed with Scouse Ron, Old Mooro, John Goodwin and Zou Zou Mastin, well bleached on his return from the Republic of Ireland. Malc, Steve Hart, Ian Lemonzic, Chris Anthony, Bud and Martin Street. On the whole the moaners took a rare old tonking with Malc lashing the ball past the cat at will with nonchalant ease leaving Scouse Ron ripping into his team mates in his usual style. Old Mooro scored the goal of the night though past the despairing dive of Steve Hart proving once and for all that Jocko keepers are indeed crap.

 QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long over it Martin Tyler 


Sunday 4th November : Mary's moaners took the honours this week with a late rally against Disley, Malc, Chris Anthony, Simon and young Lee (Scouse Ron's future son in law). No Mooro this week and Steve Hart in America but a good session overall. Excitement in the White Hart as Zou Zou announced the next EGM will be held on the 7th December, let's hope it's better organised than the last one which was a total flop. Des McGrath made a surprise visit to the White Hart, I have to say the old gits looking bloody well for 65. He may well set a vets age record when he hopes to turn out on the 9th December after staying over for the EGM, lets hope he does.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head - Mr Bojangles 


Sunday 11th November : Back to the Scouse Ron rotation system tonight with eleven players turning out. It deserves a mention that out of the 15 players who played on the first night over 15 years ago, Tony Moore, Malc Hough, Zou Zou Mastin and John the assassin Goodwin were playing tonight and Tony the cat Gavin is still a reasonably regular player. Bryn Meredith, Scouse Ron, Chris Anthony Anthony, Stevie Hart, Martin Street and Ian Disley Lemonzic are the rest of the backbone who continue to support the Vets week after week, so it's hats off to the Vets this week because we are still going strong inspite of the advancing years. Long may it continue. The session this week, yes it was bloody good!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : "If we lose I will hang myself from the crossbar - I hope you will grieve for me." - Iranian coach Miroslav (RIP) Blazevic.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK 2 : I bumped into Scouse Ron last week, does he have to call me fat lad?  -Clive fat lad Taylor 


Sunday 18th November: 13 players tonight and it was a return to the three team system. It was great to see Gary Sharp back after a long break, the beard has gone but not his powerful shooting. Playing alongside Disley, Martin Street and Chris Anthony they were always the side to beat. Mary's moaners continue to snap and bite in the manner to which we have come to expect with the cat making his first game for three weeks, but as usual he pulled off a number of excellent saves. No Steve Hart this week, next week I'll be off to the Algarve for a little R&R with my wife and friends and John will be missing on a weekend away with his missus.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 'Well, it's Ipswich nil, Liverpool two, and if that's the way the score stays then you've got to fancy Liverpool to win.' (Peter Jones) 


Sunday 9th December : Bloody hell it's only 2 weeks to Christmas!! Friday night saw the EGM come and go for for the vets, except for Malc who was stuck on the Motorway coming back from Exeter. Guest appearances from Peter Fozzie Fosbrook who travelled up from St Albans and Des McGrath our first pensioner arriving from Leicester. Clive Taylor also graced us with his rotund presence. As I was pissing about on the Motorway I can't report on the events at the White Hart other than to say it all seemed to go very well, as you would expect any event organised by the Cat and Zou Zou (Mary's Moaners events organisers). The footy on Sunday was a bit of a flop with only 7 players turning out but as always we made the best of it with a chance to hone our skills with a session of 2 touch. Next week it's the last session before Xmas so lets hope for a bumper turnout....

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