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2nd April
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26th March
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26th February
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5th February 
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29th January
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15th January
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New Mills Vets
 5 a side
football at the
Leisure Centre

17:30 - 19:00
every Sunday
Come and join us

The Vets Archives

Just in case you are the slightest bit interested, I have archived the previous Vets News Pages from January 2001. It's quite interesting to look back on a few of the events that have occurred during our past games, some of them amusing and some of them downright sad. Click the button at the top.

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30th July 2006 : Back to 5 a side this week with 10 bodies defying the ongoing hot weather conditions  in yet another seriously good 90 minutes of energy sapping football. Keith Mastin, often criticised for his team selections came up with a novel choice when he noticed that like himself Martin, John, Matt and Steve Gerrard all sported white tops, lovely jubbly.  So Proudy was lumbered with myself, Chris, Paul Garner and Nigel and although we had our moments it has to be said we got a fair old gubbing.  Steve was in sparkling form showing pace and an eye for goal that left my team bemused and battered at times, deservedly becoming the first vet to win Player of the Week two weeks running. Proudy battled on gamely and Paul did his usual 100% of running and tackling but with Martin and Matt's pace it was never going to be enough. John's confidence was given a boost with a bag-full of goals and Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin weighed in with the goal of the night, a brilliantly executed thumping volley that I did well to see  but never had a prayer of stopping. No Chris next week, he's off for extra training but with a bit of luck we could be blessed with the reappearance of the old Jocko boosted by the Jambo's opening win of the new season North of the border. Also what's happened to Karl??  Finally new kits - with City and Uni£ed both bringing out equally crap new kits, who will be the first mug to turn up in one, watch this space.

6th August 2006 : yet another crap turnout tonight with only six players. Thanks to Proudy bringing along Graham for an occasional appearance we were able to have a three a side with the help of the benches. Proudy myself and Malc Stubbs faced Keith Mastin, Richard and Graham Mason. The pace swayed between slow and very slow but the game was punctuated with some fine goals especially from Proudy and Graham. As usual the benches played a predominant role with Richard finding it particularly difficult to avoid skying the ball to avoid them.  Zsu Zsu Mastin revelled in the extra space tonight with some well struck first time passes but after forty minutes the scores were still level at 14-14. We had a five minute break and on the resumption Proudy whacked in a brace to help our team take a 4-1 lead but we were stopped in our tracks when Paul, Karl's mate, arrived. Anyway we changed the teams to accommodate him at the late hour. All in all worth the effort of turning up but we do need a mass return by the rest of the boys to lift the spirits again. Proudy and Zsu Zsu are away next week so come on lads, make the time and get down to the Leisure Centre, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!!!

13th August 2006 : First the World Cup, then Summer Holidays and now Ghosties Stag Night all hit the Vets attendances which are now about as low as a Scottish Div 2 game. We did manage a four a side this evening, again with the benches, which I suppose was one better than last week. Bryn, Paul Garner, Robbie and Malc Stubbs lined up against myself, Steve Gerrard, Chris and John. Bryn's team established an early lead which they never looked like surrendering although with a little more accuracy in front of the goals, things could have been quite different. Steve again put in an excellent performance with many well taken goals, only problem was the rest of the team failed to hit the net with the same regularity. No problems with Bryn's team, Paul, Malc, Robbie and Bryn himself all weighing in with their share of scores. Highlight of the night came when Bryn made an attempt to trap the ball in his own area but instead found it tangled up beneath both his feet before he went arse over tit and ended up in a heap. As he was having one of his more irritatingly petulant nights everyone to a man pissed their sides laughing.
Overall the football was played in the right spirit and a good robust workout. Yet again I hope for a better turnout next week if only to boost the vets low funds.  

20th August 2006 : We were honoured by the return of our only foreign player tonight when Steve Hart our old Jocko made his first appearance since 28th June when he limped off with a strained groin. Sporting a dusky Portuguese tan he slotted in as if he'd never been away joining Chris, Proudy, Paul Garner, Malc Stubbs and myself. The opposing team was John, Matt, Martin, Paul Dennis, Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin and Richard.  The games were fast and furious and at times were graced with some slick football from both teams. Proudy banged in a few missiles and Richard matched him at the other end but it was Matt who enjoyed the scoring honours with a number of match winners including a brace in the final and deciding game. Poor old Malc Stubbs had a mare of a night failing to hit the net once in the whole ninety minutes. Good performances all round really in a thoroughly enjoyable session, roll on next week for more of the same.
Bumped into old Mooro in New Mills and helped him across the busy street, looks like the old boys football days are over although he's still able to hobble to the White Hart. Another bit of vet spotting on Wednesday when Brian Shuffler Walton was seen again walking up to the White Hart with the aid of a walking stick, I think he's had the second hip replacement but don't quote me on that. Like I said a couple of weeks ago, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone......

27th August 2006 : Back to four a side tonight with Steve Hart, Steve Gerrard, Bryn, Martin, Chris, Matt, Richard, Keith Mastin and myself. Plenty of decent games but as usual in these short sided games the star of the night was the benches. Its amazing how difficult it is to get the ball just that extra foot (30.5cm) off the ground without ballooning it into the upper regions of the sports hall. In fairness we were all guilty at some stage of the night but some more than others. Highlights of the games tonight were probably two comical own goals from myself and Richard. My own clanger came when I was in goal and the ball was heading harmlessly wide when it got tangled up under my feet before bouncing up and deflecting in off my arse. Richards thankfully was a little more orthodox, running back towards his own goal he managed for once to avoid the bench when he got in the way of a cross field pass and volleyed it into the corner. Steve Hart unluckily aggravated an injury and had to call it a night, hopefully nothing too serious after we've just got him back into action.  On the Vets watch this week Tony "The Fat Cat" Gavin put his house up for sale and is likely to move to the Republic of piss poor weather, Ireland, in the Spring where he plans to have a new home built. Sounds like a good excuse for a farewell EGM in the near future to me.  And following Brian Shuffler Walton's sighting last week it reminded me that Dave Philips is also having hip problems, both apparently need replacing. Add onto that Clive Thomas who is in the same boat. Well it has been said that maybe I'm a tad slower these days and possibly a couple of ounces overweight but there's sod all wrong with my hips, I made the 60 club this year and now I've set my sights on a 65 shirt if the rest don't drop off knackered in the meantime!!!

3rd September 2006 : After the weekends Internationals it was surprising to see only one England shirt on view, mind you I think our lads tonight would have given Andorra a decent game, they were woeful. Nigel caused a stir tonight when he turned up sporting a nifty beard which was the image of the one John Goodwin shaved off a few weeks ago. This evening Paul Garner, Paul Dennis, John, Nigel and Richard  did battle with Proudy, Steve Gerrard, Robbie, Chris and myself. What a game it turned out with Paul's team racing into a five goal lead only for Proudy's team to keep pegging them back. It was a superb session with all the lads giving it a good crack and with no ref it was a relief to be incident free, well other than Chris decking the assassin and me feeling the assassins retribution later on. Overall though one of those games you wished would never end. When it did end we were all square so we went for the golden goal which Paul's team duly grabbed in their first attack. Poor old Robbie had one of his nightmares in front of goal tonight but made up for it with some lung bursting last minute tackles. I wish I had half the lads energy.
Zsu Zsu will be back next week and hopefully Bud will be over his back problems and make a welcome return to action. Things don't look too good for our old Jocko but after Scotland's giant killing over  Tesco's Select (Faroe Islands branch) this weekend I don't think he'll be too upset.

10th September 2006 : Back to 4 a side this evening with Bryn, Martin, Matt and myself playing Proudy, Paul Garner, Chris and Richard. The benches were again in the running for the player of the week award but were narrowly pipped by Bryn who played marginally better than a bench. Why is it when faced with an empty goal the benches force you to hit the basketball net more often than the onion bag? Even Matt, probably our most accomplished striker these days was affected by the presence of them, possibly we should think of keeping them for the normal five a side games, that would be interesting.  The game itself was as usual fought out with passion and non stop effort with Bryn's team running out eventual winners.  Although hampered by the benches there were actually plenty of decent goals with Bryn finding his scoring touch early on. Richard was on the mark for his team but in the main Proudy's team were generally on a catch up mission. Bryn, Matt and Martin undoubtedly revelled in the service provided by their ageing playmaker and finished the evening with the traditional Golden Goal, beautifully clipped in from an acute angle by Matt Pink.
Bumped into Ian Huddleston this week, the popular local councillor and postie will be making another appearance in the near future. No Zsu Zsu, Steve Gerrard, John, Nigel, Steve Hart or Robbie this week but hopefully they will all be on duty next Sunday.
On a final note, Scotland won their second Euro Championship Qualifier on the trot this week, now that must be some kind of a record, surely.... When can you ever remember them winning two games in a week??

17th September 2006 : Scotland's success last week inspired a remarkable comeback for our old Jocko Steve Hart who showed no signs of his injury woes on his return to action at the Leisure centre this evening. Martin, Robbie, Steve Gerrard, Zsu Zsu Mastin, Matt, Chris, Paul Garner, Proudy, John and myself made up the numbers for a sometimes slightly lop sided rotational session. With the spare player changing sides with the player dropping out the usual continuity that a regular side gains can quite often go a bit out of sync. The lads stuck to the task though ensuring a decent run out all round and some well contested games. Robbie's nightmare in front of goal continues but tonight he turned a 50 - 50 challenge with Martin into a 95 - 5 one to confirm his undoubted defensive qualities although Martin probably didn't appreciate them. A couple of quality goals from Chris from his favourite wide wing position that he rifled past the keeper and the usual bagful from Matt from pretty much anywhere were the pick of the scorers this evening. Proudy was full of himself after his Blackburn Rovers moved off the bottom of the Premier league with a win against the not so glorious City this afternoon. The talk of the dressing room afterwards though was of an incident when Matt picked the ball up from the keepers throw out and set off like Linford Christie about an inch from the wall. Everyone to a man gasped in anticipation as John with his assassins hat on set off in similar manner at right angles and the immovable object verses the irresistible force looked on the cards. The look on John's face as Matt, oblivious to the threat on his life, was a picture as Matt flew past on his journey goal-wards, much to everyone's relief. John to his eternal credit insisted he pulled out at the last second but, you could see from the twinkle in his eyes that the assassin is still alive and functioning - waiting for that moment when some poor sod will be well and truly dispatched into orbit.
Good performances from Steve Gerrard, Zsu Zsu and Martin tonight and hopefully we will have more of the same next week fingers crossed that Martin's knee is OK and we all give it another goat the Leisure Centre.

24th September 2006 : After Man City's unbelievably poor effort at Chesterfield this week my mood was instantly changed with the confirmation from Christies that my wife Janice was clear of her cancer. Six months of operations and radiotherapy at Manchester's world renowned hospital has given us both a chance to re assess our priorities. With a fifth grandchild via our youngest daughter expected in February life has taken on a very warm outlook - so back to the not so glorious Blues - you can't upset me any more, I'm immune from now on!!
Anyway, a chance to get all the ups and downs of the week out of our systems is probably the main reason most of us put our weary bodies through the gruelling ninety minutes of five a side at the Leisure centre every Sunday. This evening was no exception as Proudy, Steve Gerrard, Chris, Bud and myself crossed tackles with Zsu Zsu Mastin, John, Paul Garner, Malc Stubbs and the returning Colin Ramwell. Zsu Zsu's team started the session with some outstanding football quickly taking a six goal lead which they held for around twenty minutes. The tackles were flying and much blusterous endeavour allowed Proudy's team to get back in touch. Steve Gerrard was the force behind the comeback and in spite of my implausible dip in form Proudy and Steve managed to net the necessary goals to actually nudge in front. The lead was never more than two goals and as John began to find the net it was nip and tuck until the last kick of the night when Steve hit the equaliser to leave the score 29 each. A pretty rugged session that we all enjoyed, Colin looked good after his lay off and Malc Stubbs showed some pretty nifty footwork in what can only be described as possibly the worst coloured trainers that have ever been seen on a vets night, would have looked great with that old brown Coventry kit.....  Bud managed to get through the night without any further back problems but, Chris was struggling with an injury to his calf this week so may need a rest but Steve Hart, Bryn, Martin, Richard  and Robbie should be back next week to keep the numbers up.
Just on a final note, Alan Jones a family friend who is fifty and in reasonable knick, had a heart attack last week. At the hospital he told the specialist that he took regular long walks and did Karate training each week so how could this happen. The doctor told him that if he hadn't done this he would have had the heart attack much sooner. So take stock lads, your Sunday nights could be keeping you alive (in spite of the assassin, Scouse Ron etc.)

1st October 2006 : Another blinding ninety minutes of football tonight with two teams of six players.  Matt, Martin, Keith Mastin, Robbie, Colin and at last the return of Karl English made up the first squad. John, Chris, Steve Hart, Richard, Paul Garner and myself made up the second squad. In terms of results Matt's team finished well on top in spite of the oppositions attempts to thwart them. Tonight Matt couldn't hit a barn door (his words), but Robbie who has hit many a barn door in his time, chose tonight to start hitting the net. In only the second game he tucked one sublime effort past our jocko keeper to give warning as to his upsurge in form, such an upsurge that drug tests were suggested. The return of Karl was a welcome bonus tonight and he chipped in with a few of his trade mark left footed bombs. Martin and Colin also weighed in with their share which showed up the main difference in the sides, that is all the natural strikers were in the same team. Add to that the age factor, John's team had three over fifties and one over sixty!! Well I can't think of any more excuses so I think at the end of the day I will have to hold my aging hands up and admit we were beaten by the better team.  Next week could be interesting, hopefully we'll have three teams out with the return of Bryn, Steve Gerrard, Proudy, Bud, Nigel and maybe Malc. What has happened to Disley? There is also talk of a few of the lads who follow us on every fortnight joining the fray. Things in the vets garden are looking very rosy...... 

8th October 2006 : Yesterday I chose to watch the local Tameside derby between Droylsden and Hyde United, a cracking game full of blood and guts football, six goals and Droylsden's 4-2 win put them top of the Conference North. Seven hundred and nine fans went home contented that their eight quid's had been great value. Less than half an hour later in front of a crowd of over 72,000, the supposed cream of English footballers mugged the fans of  £50 plus each, when they went through the motions against the might of Macedonia. Now that's what I call cheating.
To his utter credit Steve Hart resisted rubbing our noses in it at the Leisure Centre this evening after one of the Jocko's finest victories against World Cup Finalists France but, I have to admit that there was a smug grin on his Scottish chops in the dressing room later. As well as Steve we had Bryn, Martin, Karl, Proudy, Keith Mastin, Chris and myself in an invigorating four a side session. The quality of the football tonight was top drawer or if not the top, only a sock drawer down. Chris was on the mark early on with Martin, Bryn and Proudy scoring some crackers. There's no hiding place at 4 a side and everyone pretty much gave their best shot and kept things on an acceptably competitive level with only the odd minor spat. I was surprised though to see such a low turnout tonight, it seems every time we expect a large showing the opposite happens. So with Proudy at Liverpool to watch his beloved Rovers and Karl kicking sand in peoples faces on the beaches of Halkidiki I think we may have a low show next week, maybe that will do the trick!!
As for those so called England Internationals - they had better make a decent fist of it in Croatia on Wednesday or the papers will start a "bring back soft lad Becks and Sven" campaign, oh the very thought of it!!!

15th October 2006 : England failed miserably on Wednesday night in their attempt to convince us they were an International team of repute. I just fail to understand why the passion has disappeared out of our International team, if they got home to see their mansions, Bentley's and Ferrari's in flames maybe just maybe they would realise how pissed off with them we are. Anyway rant over, there was one thing for certain tonight after the Baggies winning 5-1 at Ipswich yesterday, Robbie was bound to make an appearance, and he didn't disappoint.  He joined Matt, Paul Garner and Colin Ramwell in a formidable line up. Bryn, Keith Mastin, John, Bud Jackson and Martin reformed the Mary's Moaners  and finally Proudy, Chris, Paul Dennis, Nigel and myself completed the teams. For my team Proudy and Chris took on the goal scoring duties with Nigel chipping in with a couple of decent efforts. Paul peppered the walls but sadly not the net tonight and I didn't exactly wear them out either. Bryn's team worked hard with John and Zsu Zsu Mastin showing well. Martin ran his socks off but didn't manage to score until very late on. Bryn netted well early on but as usual faded in the last third probably due to carrying a few spare pounds. As for Matt's squad, they looked the business with lot's of pass and move, essential tactics for a successful 5 a side team. Inspired by Robbie's non stop running Matt, Colin and Paul helped themselves to a bagful of goals and just about shaded the nights football although the games were all keenly fought out and enjoyed by all. Good stuff and hopefully a pattern for the weeks to come.
I hear Scouse Ron has had surgery on his knee but still has a few problems with it, here's hoping that everything get's sorted soon and he get's back to full working order. 
Excellent turnout tonight considering we were without the two Steve's, Richard, Karl, Malc Stubbs, Andy Gartside and Disley - Next week Zsu Zsu is on yet another of his exciting mystery weekend breaks, maybe the East Coast, Wales or rainy old Ireland - the aging cockney sure knows how to live the high life.

22nd October 2006 : After another abysmal performance from the not so glorious Blues this weekend it was a relief to let off a bit of that pent up frustration at the Leisure Centre. Myself, Chris, Paul Garner, Karl and Malc Stubbs kicked off against Martin, John, Steve Hart, Richard and Matt with Proudy refereeing. Our games are five minutes in duration and usually pretty low scoring but like City yesterday my team soon found ourselves two down. I pulled one back but Martin and the boys stuck in three more in the blink of an eye. Chris then got off the mark to make it 5-2 but again John and Steve whacked in another one apiece to make the first game score 7-2, quite a rare battering. Proudy then entered the fray as I stepped off to referee and the next game ended up 5-3 to Martins team, that's 17 goals in ten minutes. After that we rotated the teams with the ref joining the opposite side that he came off, known as the Scouse Ron Rotational System. All evening the games were excellent with everyone playing well and all the games after the first two generally evenly contested. Matt continues to set a furious pace which I personally can assure him will diminish as the years roll on. Martin continues his goal drought with only a couple of successes, not for the lack of trying though. Steve Hart weighed in with a barrel load of goals tonight and Chris was finding the target with one particularly exceptional strike from his coveted position by the wall. I think just about everyone enjoyed the sport this evening and just for ninety minutes or so, a few of us forgot our disappointing team performances this weekend.

29th October 2006 : Thankfully the not so glorious Blues weren't playing this weekend so I turned up at the Leisure Centre in good spirits tonight, and like to think that it showed in my game. I teamed up with Proudy, Paul, Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin and Richard in a really well balanced squad. Karl, Matt, John, Robbie and Martin also looked a decent side and so it proved in a very close contest. Paul, Richard and Proudy linked up excellently this evening although they did benefit from the luxury of two seriously aging playmakers. Keith and myself revelled in the space our younger team mates created for us and even got in the odd tackle or three. Behind early on Matt's team also battled well and deservedly took the lead for a while later on but eventually succumbed to a late rally by my side. Martin had a good night although the goals seem to have dried up for him over the last week or so. Matt as usual drifted in and out as is his want but Karl like Martin is not finding his goals easy to come by although he did rifle one beauty in from distance. It's quite amazing that after 90 minutes the final score was 23-20 which was possibly due to some very good goalkeeping, mainly from Matt, Robbie and Zsu Zsu.
Pity there was a raft of missing players tonight notable absentees Steve Gerrard, Chris , Steve Hart, Bud Jackson, Nigel, Colin, Bryn and very long term missing player Dan Bolton.
Next week is Guy Fawkes night so Zsu Zsu will have to be careful when he leaves for the Leisure Centre as the Council haven't got a guy yet for the Bonfire.

5th November 2006: I will attempt not to get drawn into Guy Fawkes related quips tonight such as rocket shots and the like, I'll bet there are a few in the Sun though tomorrow. Ten old lads showed up tonight including a very nervous looking Zsu Zsu. Karl, John, Paul Dennis, Martin and Zsu Zsu faced Proudy, Chris, Richard, Paul Garner and myself. The teams were well matched for a large part of the evening with the lead changing a number of times. Martin lit the touch paper with a goal inside the first couple of minutes and further strikes from John and Karl brought the initial turnaround in the scores. Proudy, Paul G, and Richard were forming an impressive strike force with some very slick passing and finishing to regain the lead. Martin was looking like the player of old and inspired his team to draw level once again. It came as no surprise when John and Karl shot them ahead but sadly that was the last time they were to lead. Richard and Chris found the mark and suddenly Proudy's team were on fire. The goals rained in from everywhere as Zsu Zsu's team mates heads dropped. It gave me a great kick to score the traditional end of the evening golden goal with an acrobatic scissor kick which left me with a huge bruise on my creaking hip. It was whispered that Proudy's team had all the runners tonight which bolstered Chris and my ego's no end.
last app 15th Oct, Steve Gerrard last app. Sept 27th,  Disley last app. 14th May, Dan Bolton last app. 7th May, Scouse Ron last app 26th March, Tony Moore last app. 22nd January 2006.
Definitely a new page next week as this ones getting a bit long in the tooth plus, maybe the odd pic of Scouse Ron to stop him fading into obscurity.

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