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Spotted in a New Mills garden, the ancient Mary's Moaners 9 commandments.

Players of the Week

23rd July
Steve Gerrard

16th July

Bryn Meredith

9th July

Andy Gartside

2nd July
Keith Proudfoot

18th June

Keith Mastin

11th June
Robbie Westwood

4th June

Jamie English

28th May

Malc Stubbs

21st May
John Goodwin

14th May
Martin Wilde

7th May
Steve Gerrard

30th April

Keith Mastin

23rd April
Ian Lemonzic

16th April
Martin Wilde
2nd April
Keith Proudfoot
26th March
Bryn Meredith

19th March

Paul Garner

12th March
Matt Pink

5th March 
Steve Gerrard
26th February
19th February
Martin Wilde

12th February
Nigel Caldwell
5th February 
Karl English
29th January
Keith Proudfoot
22nd January

Bud Jackson
15th January
John Goodwin
8th January 
Tony Moore


The Vets Archives


Here are the Muppets
Failed again to reach the World Cup Finals


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New Mills Vets
 5 a side
football at the
Leisure Centre

17:30 - 19:00
every Sunday
Come and join us

The Vets Archives

Just in case you are the slightest bit interested, I have archived the previous Vets News Pages from January 2001. It's quite interesting to look back on a few of the events that have occurred during our past games, some of them amusing and some of them downright sad. Click the button at the top.

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Go to the Latest Reports

3rd April 2006 : What a refreshing change to this weeks football fare with Chelsea sent packing in the FA Cup Semi Final by Liverpool and humour returned to the game with a squirrel running amok on the pitch during the Champions League game at Highbury on Wednesday night. It's rumoured that Chelsea have made a substantial offer for the little critter who passed through the Villarreal defence with the ease of a ....squirrel!!!  The vets meanwhile continue to turn out in numbers with three teams again tonight giving their all in a well contested session at the Leisure Centre. Bryn's team with John, Disley, Martin and Zsu Zsu Mastin played some stunning football early doors winning their first two games with sweet passing moves. Myself, Chris, Neil, Karl and Nigel started slowly but got into the swing of things as the night went on as did Dan, Bud, Richard, Kevin and Paul Garner, the third side. As with every week we get a fair few classic goals and this week was no different, for the second week running I netted from my own half and Bryn's first of the night, a neat back heeled flick past the keeper were just two. John managed to reduce Kev English's chest measurement by a few inches when he slammed the portly Evertonian into the far corner of the Hall. All good clean fun on yet another top ninety minutes of football as it should be played.

30th April 2006 : It seems that England's World Cup hopes are in ruins the moment Rooney hit the turf screaming in agony. The dreaded metatarsal struck again but England boss Sven-Goran Eriksson is poised to take Wayne Rooney to the World Cup despite his broken foot. Sorry Sven but you may as well take Scouse Ron for the use he'll be. In 18 years of five a side at the leisure centre I can't recall any player picking up a metatarsal injury, it must be a modern thing!!
Tonight's football was free of any such drama but all the usual blood and sweat stuff.  Bryn, Martin, Proudy, Matt had me as their playmaker but didn't always take advantage of my aging skills. Malc Stubbs, Keith Mastin, John and Paul  made up the second team, Chris, Richard, Dan and Bud the final team. The session started out with Bryn's team being maybe too strong but as the night went on both the other teams managed to beat them. Proudy's first goal of the night was a corker when Martin fired a vicious shot that was rising like a rocket until Proudy's chest stopped it in mid flight and, as everybody stood rooted to the spot the alert Rovers fan nipped in and scored. Overall it was a good run out tonight but the sides weren't particularly well balanced. Hopefully next week we'll revert to our regular squads and even things up. Hearts battered Celtic today 3-0 and look like finishing second and qualifying for the Euro money league so Stevie Hart should be back with us next week all buoyed up.  Steve Gerrard is also near to returning after illness and hopefully we'll see the return of Scouse Ron.  I don't think I'll be available for the next couple of weeks but the week after I'll become the second 60 year old to grace the vets after Old Mooro, with a little bit of luck and good fortune.

7th May 2006 : The Premier League ground to an uninteresting conclusion today with the usual contenders finishing in the top four. Steve McClaren is selected as the new England manager although we haven't got rid of the last one yet but the rumour of the week circulating New Mills is the impending retirement of Scouse Ron. Can it be true that the driving force behind Mary's Moaners will not disgrace the Leisure Centre again? I for one hope not as to be honest the content on these pages will be seriously effected.
Tonight's session was a truly memorable one with some of the best goals seen from the vets for a long time. So many good moves and finishes in a sterling ninety minutes. The return of Steve Gerrard to my team made a huge impact, we only lost one game during the night with Chris and Proudy in particular  benefiting from his input. Paul, Kev English, Malc Stubbs, Dan and Colin Ramwell had plenty of drawn games but never managed to nail a win. Bryn, John, Keith Zsu Zsu Mastin, Martin and  Bud Jackson blended well and had some terrific games, they were the only team to beat my side tonight.  Colin also made a good return tonight his first game since the end of July and a much improved show from Paul Garner after last weeks mare. More of this football is just what we need to see, top notch fella's!!

14th May 2006 : An astonishing FA Cup Final yesterday, I can't remember a better one. Steve Gerrard scored two amazing goals that left every English fan gasping in awe and looking forward to the World Cup in 26 days. And Hearts beat the mighty Gretna in the Jocko Final to leave our only non English veteran, Steve Hart, gasping in relief and looking forward to the qualifying rounds of the next World Cup in four years.
All this served to inspire another mega 5 a side session at the Leisure Centre in New Mills this evening. Robbie returned for his first start since January and looked like he'd never been away. he joined Disley, Bud, Richard and Gary to play  Bryn, Keith Mastin, John, Martin and Karl in a reformed Mary's Moaners squad.  Our own Stevie Gerrard, myself, Kevin, Matt and Paul made up the final and probably most skilful side.  The finishing wasn't as outstanding as last week but as usual one or two stunners lit up the nights football. Martin fired in a couple of early pile drivers and Steve was showing his form throughout the night with some well taken goals. Bryn sporting a new pair of pumps, looked like Scouse Ron's old ones, sprayed the ball all over the place including a good number of in offs. Good to see Gary and Robbie back in the fold, Gary played particularly well tonight. Bud notched the own goal of the night when he was playing in nets, with a shot that hit him in the face and as he went down in agony the ball popped up and rolled over his head and into the onion bag. I think his new haircut could have been part to blame! Matt certainly made the save of the night when he stopped a goal bound Martin Wilde shot and then with the goal gaping Martin hit another which our Paramedic somehow clawed out, great goal-keeping.
Next Saturday we take to the grass with an 11 a side friendly at Furness Vale, two o clock kick off. Hopefully we will get a decent side out and give them a good run for their money. All will become clear next week. Zou Zou is off on another stunning break, in Wales so it's a free week next Sunday when with a bit of luck we'll have enough bodies left fit enough to play.
I bumped into ex vets flying winger Dave Philips this week, the old lad looks good but as we all know looks can be deceiving.... Dave reckons football has wrecked his hips which both need replacing, sounds familiar, ask Brian Shuffler Walton and Clive Taylor two more vets whose hips no longer shake!!

                                       Furness Vale  1   New Mills Vets  1            attendance : quite a few
20th May 2006 : On opening the local paper this week, naturally at the sports pages, I couldn't help noticing the rave reports on Furness Vale our opponents today. 21 points from the last 27 was pretty impressive so, it was was with more than a little apprehension that I made my way up to Yeardsley Lane where I had played for Vale some 35 years ago. Bud Jackson had got 14 of us together, only three of those played on grass this season and one or two hadn't kicked a ball this season for the vets. The game kicked off with the Furness lads looking what they are, a team who are used to playing together. It took the vets a while to gel but slowly, very slowly in some cases, they started to get into the game. Paul Garner and Matt Pink were working tremendously hard in the middle to keep Vales midfield in check. Lee Whooley made a couple of superb saves to keep the score sheet blank but it was getting difficult to get the ball up to Bryn Meredith and Karl English who were ploughing a lone furrow up front. Matt Pink drove one over and I hit a trickler at the keeper but in the main Keith Proudfoot and Gary Evans were working overtime in the heart of the defence. Kevin English at left back was often left with two players to mark as tired legs and empty lungs left me stranded up field. On came Steve Gerrard and Ian Lemonzic on the half hour to sure up the defence and midfield, both players making an immediate impact.  Half time arrived and the boys came off for a well earned rest and felt pretty pleased with the 0-0 score line.  Second half and Bud Jackson entered the fray at left back where Simon Waddington had given a good account of himself.  The lack of a half time team talk didn't affect the lads, in fact as the game went on the Vets started to push forward more. On 59 minutes Proudy won the ball at the back and sent Matt Pink forward, Matt played the ball to Bryn who sent it wide to Steve Gerrard, he took the ball down the left flank before cutting back a glorious cross into the goal area - cometh the hour cometh the man, and as the ball evaded all in the packed area I ghosted in at the back and drilled it into the net, gooooooaaaaaaalllll  1-0 to the vets. No more than we deserved for a sterling effort.  Furness were stung into action and as as we all know, you are always at your most vulnerable just after you've just scored.  This was the case with the vets, after a goal mouth scramble the ball was only half cleared to a grateful Furness forward who fired the ball home through a crowded area.        
The vets were rocked and had to withstand a period of non stop pressure which they did admirably with Ian Lemonzic and Keith Proudfoot stopping everything thrown at them. Try as they may Furness couldn't break the Vets down and had to settle for a 1-1 draw which the Vets thoroughly deserved. I couldn't pick a man of the match, every body did their bit and a whole lot more but, Disley, Proudy, Kevin and Lee were all superb in an overworked defence. A well contested game played in good spirit ably refereed by Terry Petters. Well done lads, a day to remember, there will be a few tired bodies at the Leisure centre tomorrow night I fear.

21st May 2006 : After yesterdays heroics eight tired vets reappeared at the Leisure centre tonight for another 90 minutes of torture to their bodies, well that was how I felt anyway.
Steve Gerrard, Chris, Proudy and myself formed the first team, Bryn, John, Karl and Martin the second with Kevin, Jamie, Nigel, Bud and Richard the final team. Young Jamie showed the rest just how to score early doors with a fine hat trick, all coolly finished while we all tried to rip the nets off with some snorting volleys that threatened to dislodge the building blocks around the goals. Stevie Gerrard went one better than Jamie with two hat tricks in his last two games one a 5-4 thriller against Kevin's team. Three of the English boys on tonight with Kevin, brother Karl and his son Jamie, that's more than Arsenal had in the Euro Final this week. Not the best session tonight, the adrenaline was still flowing from yesterday and things tended to get a bit tetchy but enjoyable all the same. Kevin got launched into the wall by a classic Goodwin "nudge" and with the last kick of the night launched into the doors after a coming together with Martin. Next week should see the return of injured Steve Hart and hopefully Tony Moore who has now made more come backs than Frank Sinatra. Zsu Zsu will also be back suitably bleached after yet another exciting holiday break, this time in deepest darkest Wales. Finally a huge pat on the back for Paul Garner who played the full ninety minutes yesterday on a very heavy pitch and this morning, completed the 10K Manchester Run, quite a feat. Makes you proud to be a New Mills Vet. 

28th May 2006 : Well the season is officially over with the last play off match at the Millennium Stadium this afternoon, except for a little matter of the World Cup. That certainly looks set to be another big disappointment with the media drumming up false hopes by the bucketful.  To my mind we are just a bunch of hyped up overpaid journeymen with a sprinkling of potential top class players and the magnificent Steven Gerrard. A bit like 1966 I suppose but with much stronger opposition I don't have the same enthusiasm as the media, maybe we should just enjoy it for what it is, the best sporting event on the planet.
Moan over... Thirteen of the lads turned out this Bank Holiday weekend to enjoy a pretty light hearted session. John, Keith Mastin, Proudy, Bud, Jamie, Karl, Malc Stubbs, Steve Hart, Bryn, Richard and myself. We had some good games and a few to forget but on the whole the rotation system kept things on a slightly less competitive level. Karl found his scoring touch again with his left foot getting pretty hot and young Jamie again got his share. Proudy whacked one in from his own half and Malc Stubbs was on the boil early on. Stevie Hart got stuck in on his first show for eight weeks and Bud was kicked from pillar to post by almost everybody except Jamie. Zsu Zsu was a strange pale colour on his return from Wales but that didn't prevent him presenting me with my fine "60" shirt in the dressing room afterwards. It seems a long time ago when Tony Moore and myself even dared to think about playing when we were 60 but, we both managed it and I have to admit my next goal is a more realistic 61. As the managers always say, we'll look no further than the next game.  Next up it's Zsu Zsu Mastin for the 60 club so be gentle with the old cockney and we'll have a full 60's 5 a side team in no time.

4th June 2006 : World Cup fever is getting stronger by the day, it seems the World and his brother are about to tune in to the greatest single sporting event on the Planet. It seems the Jocko's will all be rooting for anybody but England again, even young Andrew Murray hopes we fall flat on our faces in spite of the support he gets from south of the border. This poses the question, what does a Jock do when Scotland win the World Cup - Answer - put their Playstation away....
At the Leisure Centre tonight Bryn, Karl, Stevie Gerrard and young Jamie played myself, Keith Mastin, John and Dan in a 4 a side game. The benches made their first appearance since August last year and looked a bit out of practice. In a game of two halves there wasn't much to separate the teams with only a couple of goals difference at the end of ninety minutes. Dan whacked in the golden goal decider for my side to just about take the honours though. Steve was on fine goal scoring form for Bryn's team and young Jamie gave it a good go as did his dad. As for Bryn, he took moaning to a new level tonight, even Scouse Ron couldn't have lived with the non stop chunnering delivered by our custodian of the law. No wonder they say the law's an ass.
I was well chuffed with my teams input tonight especially with the three oldest players on the pitch. The goals were evenly spread out with John and Dan having the luxury of two playmakers. A decent run out but we need to get back to three teams next week with Chris and Martin returning from their hols we should get back to normal.
This time next week we'll know if fat boy Rooney will make the WC and England will have played their first match on Saturday. If you live in New Mills and your TV's broke you can always watch the New Mills Carnival Parade which is on at the same time duuuurrrrrrr!!!!!

11th June 2006 : The World cup kicked off on Friday with the Germans coming good just like they always do and the following day England scraping a 1-0 win just like they always do so no surprises yet. Poor old Scotland decided to arrange a prestige friendly to placate their jealous fans so we can look forward to the game with the Krakataun Select XI in the near future.
World Cup frenzy didn't attract the expected deluge of Vets tonight at the Leisure Centre although I suspect the White Hart did. Bryn, Keith Mastin, Proudy and Robbie took on myself, John (a newbie), Dan and Paul. Bryn's team had the edge all evening in an energy sapping four a side session with the high temperatures taking their toll. Bryn had an excellent 90 minutes which benefited from Robbies extraordinary tally of goals. The little fellow was inspirational even scoring one while I was holding him back. Proudy got on the score sheet with some very coolly taken strikes. Dan and Paul were late starters in the scoring stakes for my team but on the whole we were always playing catch up. Poor old John had a difficult initiation into the vets football, not having played for over five years but, with a few more weeks under his belt he'll be fine. All in all a good run round to keep us ticking over. Next Thursday England take on the might of Trinidad so by next Sunday we should be in the last sixteen but who can tell with this lot, I wouldn't bet on it.

18th June 2006 : Well the boys scraped through to the last 16 with a pretty unconvincing performance against Trinidad and Tobacco and now face a dilemma in the final game against Sweden. Do we go for the win to avoid playing Germany or do we lose to avoid playing Ecuador.  I suppose this is what Sven is paid all those millions for. Will we still be in next Sunday? If we are it will cock up our Sunday nights football but I suppose even we have to make sacrifices.
Tonight at the Leisure Centre we had Keith Mastin, Keith Proudfoot, Karl, Jamie, Chris, Richard, Nigel, John, Dan, Martin and myself. We had a decent enough session but as the sides were rotated it lacked the usual edge. Having said that young Jamie and his dad Karl had a fair old tussle especially when Jamie decked his dad with a classic tackle his old man would have been proud of if he hadn't have ended up in a heap while the kid struck for goal. Proudy's silver shoes again threatened the pointing on the back wall with some howlers. Chris returned tonight after a few weeks out with back problems and showed us he hadn't forgot how to net with a couple of neatly taken angled drives. Martin played like he was still on holiday but all in all it was well worth the effort this evening. Steve Hart will be out for a couple more weeks with a strained groin but hopefully England will inspire a few more of the lads for the next session.

2nd July 2006 : Oh what a difference a week can make in football. The Nation was awash with hope and expectation as we brushed aside Ecuador last Sunday with another pretty awful display. As a Manchester City fan I am well prepared for a fall from a great height but surely England wouldn't put us all through the same emotional roller coaster. Oh yes they would, yet another mind numbing excuse of a performance by the worlds highest paid players. Sven Goran Eriksson has taken the piss out of us for 5½ years and walked off with a kings ransom. I suggest Steve McClaren shows the squad a video of Brazil v France so they can remind themselves how the beautiful game should be played. Our bunch of tarts and overpaid jessies should be bloody ashamed of themselves.  Rant over.....
Back to the real action at the Leisure Centre tonight as eight of us enjoyed a seriously good 80 minutes of four a side.  Thanks to Bryn's excellent team selection tonight the football was fast and tense right up to the last few minutes with only a couple of goals between the teams all evening.  Bryn, John, Martin and Paul played against Proudy, Nigel, Bud Jackson and myself.  Proudy found himself teamed up with three old giffers but as we have seen in the past there is no substitute for experience. It soon became apparent that the experience would provide  Proudy with more than his share of scoring opportunities which he took with some style. Bryn drove his team on and led by example with some well taken goals. John and Martin both found it hard to get the ball past the benches which are placed across the goals to make scoring more difficult when we have less then 5 players on each team. Bud excelled in goal tonight where he had extended spells but overall all the lads put in great effort to ensure a top notch session won by Proudy's team in the end by a couple of goals. A thunder storm ten minutes from time blacked out the lights which meant an early bath for us, just like Rooney yesterday, sorry rant was over ignore that last remark.
Hopefully next Sunday we will have a good turnout, the World Cup Final, Germany v France with a bit of luck, doesn't kick off until 20:00 so no excuses lads, have a good run out, shower and out for a few beers and watch the game.  VENEZ SUR LA FRANCE.........   

9th July 2006 : Well it's all over, Italy are Champions after a penalty shoot out. Decent tournament brilliantly organised by the Germans. Simulating injury and an obsession with trying to get fellow professionals red or yellow carded has been the only blemish on a superb event.
The Vets who turned up tonight, another 4 a side session, had a stiff old workout. Bryn, Richard, Zsu Zsu Mastin and myself played Martin, John, Robbie and Andy Gartside. With Zsu Zsu and myself as playmakers Bryn had a field day getting on the end of our probing passes. Perhaps with hindsight Zsu Zsu and I should have been on opposing sides for as hard as Robbie tried, playmaking is not one of his finest attributes. Consequently Martin, John and Andy had to forage lone paths in their search for goals. Andy did manage the goal of the night when he finished off a mazy dribble with a neat back heel into the net which he followed by pointing to the Pele on the back of his Brazil shirt, surely Pele was never that fat!!! Not the best session this evening but a useful run out for the lads who bothered to turn up, thank goodness the World Cup is over, it's hit our attendances quite hard. next week we need three teams and a good old blood and thunder 90 minutes. 
Finally, Bud is arranging another 11 a side jobbie with Ferodo Vets, watch this space.


How to deal with a foul
mouthed Italian No. 1





An occasional series.


16th July 2006 : Just made the ten players we needed for a vigorous 5 a side work out tonight, probably the hottest night of the year. Bryn, Zsu Zsu, Martin, Mike Jackson and Andy Gartside played myself, Proudy, Chris, Paul and Nigel. Bryn's team just about deserved the honours at the end of the night although only four goals ahead after 90 minutes proved how close the game was. Chris showed he had not lost his eye for goal although a lack of match fitness was evident at the end as it was with most of us. Myself and Proudy netted pretty regularly but we weren't quite good enough to get ahead of Bryn's team who always just had the edge. Bud played his usual steady game and Martin is coming back to form. Considering the heat it was a fine session with much to be admired. Paul set up Proudy who banged in the golden goal at the end to salvage a little pride for my team. Zsu Zsu is off on another one of his his dream family weekends next week to sunny Southport, if it's open that is. We could do with a good turnout next weekend as the funds are a bit on the thin side. Come on lads get yourselves down and shake off the cobwebs....

How to deal with a foul
mouthed Italian No. 2

These gifs must be the most circulated pics on the internet....

23rd July 2006 : A really disappointing turnout tonight with only 7 of us bothering to make the effort. Still it didn't spoil a very entertaining 90 minutes of three a side, two touch, with a ref. The Scouse Ron rotational system for once worked like clockwork with all the lads getting amongst the goals and there were plenty of those as we decided against the benches making another unwelcome appearance. Paul, Bud, Bryn, John, Martin, Steve Gerrard and myself gave it a good crack on a very warm night. Steve looked good on his return to the action and surprised us all with one astonishing sprint the length of the pitch to score with his second touch. Paul enjoyed one of his most prolific scoring bouts for a long time netting with ease from all angles. I confess to the miss of the night, with an open net gaping and no one within 10 yards, I contrived to hit the post with my second touch much to the amusement of all present, bar me.  Having admitted to that I wasn't on my own when it came to wayward strikes but that added to the nights light hearted mood.
Next week we need a more encouraging turn out, not only for financial reasons but to get that competitive spirit back into our sessions so come on men, get your arses down to the Leisure Centre.....

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