Vets News Archives
January 2001 - May 2001


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Sun 7th January : A week in the sun in Tunisia is great just before Christmas and Janice and I had a fantastic holiday despite Ramadan which does tend to slow things down somewhat. Fasting between sunrise and sunset may seem a bit on the odd side to many of us but having seen some of the vets on their first session of 2001 I think it could be introduced here to great benefit. What a load of biffers! Christmas was good and the New Year celebrations even better but there is nothing quite like Sunday night five a side footy, the lads turned out in force to-night. We had a couple of new faces and a few welcome returning faces and Old Mooro continues his comeback as one of the new faces, Gary Sharp scored the first goal of 2001. A very good session saw Scouse Ron score a couple of blinding toe pokes and Zou Zou Mastin stonked a couple in, but in general the goals were shared about pretty evenly. No bad tackles or rough-house tactics but I'm sure things will be back to normal next week.  Good to be back though for another year with the New Mills Vets, each new year is a bonus for some of us, as Tony Moore would say, "This is déjà vu all over again!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : "Bryan Robson has been a victim of his own success!"

Middlesborough chief executive Keith Lamb


Sun 12th Jan : Back to normal this week with Bryn Meredith, Scouse Ron and John Goodwin in the same team the fan was bound to get hit by the shit as they say. John set about the opposition like a combined harvester mowing down everyone in sight and Bryn welcomed Roger back with a fair old dig in the ribs and then Ron gave an exhibition of refereeing to rival Stevie Wonder. The fat cat hasn't made an appearance yet this year, perhaps this is the end for old fat fingers, I wonder if he has forgot the EGM he's supposed to be organizing for next weekend. Zou Zou Mastin was masterly tonight ticking over in midfield like a cheap watch. Good to see Disley back even if he was an ounce or two over his fighting weight. Scouse Ron was pursuing his new career at Ferodo Brake Linings but joined the boys for a jar or two in the White Hart where we discussed the boundary issues raised by Bryn's new back porch. All in a weeks footy, roll on next week.......

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : "They should leave David Beckham alone, he's a great striker!".... Zoë Ball


Sun 19th Jan : The EGM was a total cock up on Saturday night with only 5 players turning up. Considering 2 of them organized it that was pretty bloody feeble. I think after a failed trip to Ireland (twice) and a the failure of Zou Zou's Southern Softie Mates to get it on with our London Tour we will have to look at the possibility of a committee reshuffle. The lads certainly turned out in force tonight though for the first four team session in over a year. Games were played at a furious pace which suited the flair players Like Zou Zou Mastin and Ron (Michael Owen) Buttery. Martin Wild scored the goal of the night when he flew past Zou Zou and slipped one through the cats legs. Billy Nay scored a few and Paul Senior had his share but the new partnership of  Meredith and Goodwin is starting to pay dividends with a shit load of goals.  The return of the Cat was a bit of a surprise but to his credit he rolled around his area with great enthusiasm. 19 players this week so we are on the up or as Tony Moore would say, "There's only one way you can go in this game, that's either up or down otherwise you stay where you are!!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : "I do go to football sometimes but I don't know the off sides rule or free kicks - or side kicks - or whatever they're called." .... the hapless Victoria Beckham


Sun 28th January : Just when you thought Man U were going to dominate the Universe West Ham come along and prove there is more than one United after all. The train back to Euston must have been a joy to ride on, as it's well known most United fans would rather lose to Manchester City than a London team. Just imagine all the piss taking in the capital tomorrow as all the United fans turn in to work. The vets were missing a few regulars tonight with Mooro on nights and Billy Nay watching the reds, yes at last we have a red amongst us, the first since Fozzie quit three years ago. The eleven players who did turn out enjoyed a lively session using Scouse Ron's "rotation system". Malc played with an injured back which affected his pacey running. John Goodwin (the assassin) concentrated his efforts on Lee Whooley which came as a great relief to the other 10 players. Goal of the night was Scouse Ron's deft flick with the outside of his size 12's which spun agonizingly past Gavin, the fat cat,  who had an otherwise excellent night in nets constantly thwarting the goal hungry vets. Bryn Meredith used his newly acquired river dance skills to skip past defenders and slot in a fair old few goals. Disley continues single footed in his attempt to try and demolish the roof and prove he's a striker, which he is most definitely not....

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : I was inbred into the game by my father..... David Pleat


Sun 4th February : There was an International flavor tonight as the vets were joined by the old bog trotter from Eire, Nigel Reardon, who linked up with Bryn, Disley and youth team player Kevin to make a formidable squad. Bryn thrived on Nigel's speed of thought and for once was able to leave the defensive chores behind him and concentrate on what he does best, goal hanging which he did to great effect. Alistair also chose tonight to grace us with his skills, his ability to stay on his feet while the rest of his body wobbled alarmingly was a joy to watch. Roger Graham playing alongside Malc, Chris Anthony, Simon Waddington and Steve Hart used all his social worker training when he attempted to council young Kevin's legs with a tackle John Goodwin would have been proud of. Talking of John Goodwin, he managed to miss hit a hat-trick past Malc in his last game to-night, I can't remember the last player who did that. A corking session this week with everyone making a good effort, the only thing that worries me is that next week could see over 20 players turning up, now that will be interesting, as Tony Moore would say, "it's not the amount of people who turn up that counts, it's how many are there!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : Alessandro Del Pierro reminds me of Robert Rosario when I had him at Coventry City"

Bobby Gould


Sun 11th February : Billy Nay and Gary Sharp returned to the fold tonight and joined Chris Anthony, Bud and young Kevin to make quite a formidable squad. Disley scored two wonderful long range efforts for Mary's Moaners that still don't convince me he is a striker but they fair flew in. Steve Hart, Nigel, Roger and Bryn had Malc playmaking for them tonight and it certainly paid off. Bryn couldn't miss, Roger bagged a hatful and Nigel weighed in with one or two. Scouse Ron was clearly feeling the effects of full time employment but Zou Zou Mastin helped him out with a energy sapping performance at the heart of Mary's Moaners midfield. No cat this week or Old Mooro who was allegedly trying to re-establish himself as the World's Greatest Lover. I will attempt to get a picture of the poor unfortunate lady for next week.... watch this space

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : Soccer will never take over from baseball. Baseball's the only chance we blacks get to wave a bat at a white man without starting a riot...

New York Yankee player asked about Man Uni£ed's link-up with the slightly well known American Rounders team.


Sun 18th February : Old Mooro set the Leisure Centre on fire tonight when he linked up with his son Paul and rolled back the years (and fat folds) with a performance that belied belief. While young Paul displayed all the skills that Malc taught him as a New Mills Junior, Tony lifted his game to new heights scoring freely and defending as if his life depended on it, ask Bud. It seems his recent fall down the stairs in an Hoovering accident has shaken off the half centurions cobwebs and given him a Stanley Mathews type extension to his fading football career. As Tony himself summed up afterwards in the White Hart, "You're only as old as your age!!"  The session was very enjoyable but has this all been a bit too much for the World's Greatest Lover? We shall see next week......

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : 'People will look at Bowyer and Woodgate and say 'Well, there's no mud without flames' - GORDON TAYLOR


Sun 25th February : There is a distinct lack of regular vets at the moment with Steve Hart, Guy, Gary Sharp, Billy Nay to mention just a few conspicuous by their absence. Add to that Bryn being struck down with a serious chill, you can imagine we were down to the bare bones, and The assassin Goodwin, Scouse Ron and Roger did their best to assist. Scouse Ron was barking and snapping like never before so bad that Old Mooro dubbed him a "middle aged Kevin Perry."  Roger again set a furious pace tackling anything that moved and a few that didn't. Still it takes all sorts to make a good session and this was a good one with Malc, Roger, Paul and Bud leaving the cat a dizzy and beaten man. Still it could all be different next week!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : I'm not going to look beyond the Semi-Final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out in the Final.... Bobby Robson


Sun 4th March : What a depressing week! The Glorious Blues winning streak brought to an end at Maine Road by a very average Southampton, the Reds fluke it yet again against dirty Leeds and to top all that we have an outbreak of foot and mouth disease at the Leisure Centre. Yes it was handbags at ten paces as Alistair accused Scouse Ron of taking him from behind not once but twice. Now Scouse Ron has been compared many times to Michael Owen but to compare him with that king of rear entries, Beckham is going a bit too far for my liking. Other highlights of the evening were The Cats astonishing performance in nets and Malc's flying header past the master goal stopper. Gary Sharp, Billy Nay and the ailing Bryn Meredith returned with good performances but still no sign of the old Jocko Steve Hart. As Tony Moore said later, "You never notice someone's missing until they're not there!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : Achilles tendon injuries are a pain in the butt!!  David O'Leary



Sun 11th March : A week to remember for a change as Tony Gavin, the Cat hits his 50th birthday. This came as a surprise to most of the vets who thought he was well over 50already. The cat now joins Tony Moore, Malc Hough and Keith Zou Zou Mastin as a half centurion still playing 5 a side football. Later this year they will be joined by the assassin, John Goodwin in a team with a total age of 265 years, now that's what you call experience!!  The cat threw an excellent party on Friday night where we were treated to an exhibition of dancing by Zou Zou Mastin to the Rolling Stones Brown Sugar which would have put Mick Jagger to shame. I'd never noticed before but Zou Zou does bare a striking resemblance to a bearded Keith Richards, they both dress similar as well. The football on Sunday night was only worth remembering for a couple of stunning saves from the cat early on but there again as Tony Moore said "the only saves you remember are the ones the goalie stops!!"    May the cat go on to stop many more......

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : I like to breed players who can attack people!!  David O'Leary


Sun 18th March : The cat came to down to earth with a bump this week, mainly due to his weight, but conceding a goal from Malc's first kick showed him the vets are no respecters of old age. Talking of bumps Paul Senior came out of the corner after a tussle with the Assassin limping and rubbing his leg, he then commented that John's body had some really sharp edges! Martin Street returned a little rusty but with another holiday looming Bud wouldn't risk it. Mike and Ev returned to the White Hart with suntans from Sri Lanka but thankfully didn't notice the broken plates from last weeks celebrations. George Graham lost his job at Spurs on Friday as did David Hudson but its like Tony Moore said tonight, "the only people in long time employment these days are people who stay at the same firm!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : We pulled the self destruct Button!! - Good old Joe Royle


Sun 25th March : Mothers day today so no cat, but the rest of the boys turned out to give it their all. It's been a strange week this week though, I've been breathalysed twice by the local plod, no doubt to get their own back because of my recent victory over them in "Crown v pathetic parking offence." Anyway the little letter p appeared both times so that's 3-0 to me boys. The football tonight was really competitive, so much so that John the Assassin Goodwin and that old Jocko, Steve Hart finished the session injured. Tony Moore signed off for a few weeks with more than his usual rate of goals and Bud returned to the White Hart from his holiday in Spain looking like the sun was on strike. Bit skint this week with birthdays and mothers day still it was all worth it though, but as Tony Moore said tonight, "It's not what you spend on a present that counts, it's what it costs you in the long run!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : Red blood flows through Beckham's veins!!  Alex Ferguson describing the extent of the new England captains devotion to Man Uni£ed


Sun 1st April : Down in the dumps this week with the Blues slumping to yet another inglorious defeat at home, it looks like we are doomed to the Nationwide again. If only they showed the same commitment as the boys on Sunday nights. A full bloodied session again this week with Malc Hough and Zou Zou Mastin running the show with their playmaking skills while Bryn and Scouse Ron shouldered the scoring responsibilities. The cat made a number of stunning saves particularly from Disley who tends to slightly over hit his scoring opportunities instead of placing them. Zou Zou is off to Turkey next week so hopefully his family will enjoy a sunshine break for a change in the land of culture which will make a pleasant change from his trips across the water to Southern Oyland and all the pissing rain that goes with it. We have told him and his mate the cat many times to take a proper holiday but as Tony Moore would say, "there are none so blind as they who do not listen!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK :I don't blame individuals, I blame myself..... Yes it's Joe Royle again


Sun 8th April : When you reach the point where you think you've seen everything in football the game gives you a gentle nudge to remind you that you aint seen nowt yet. This was the case in a week of surprises that started with that glorious German victory at Gold Trafford when Bayern stunned the Southern hordes into silence. Then Nicky Weaver makes his umteenth howler to consign the glorious Blues to another season or two in the Nationwide. At 5 a side in the Leisure Centre this week we were reduced to ten men like City and Everton. Highpoint of the evening was Bryn Meredith's headed goal and the lightning runs of Young Kevin. Ian Lemonzik (why do we call him Disley?) hit a scoring streak at last with some blistering shots which only John Goodwin seemed capable of stopping, one way or another but he did admit that he was a bit lucky with a couple, as Tony Moore would say, "he's so honest it's untrue!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK :You weigh up the pros and cons and put them into chronological order!!

Dave Bassett


Sun 15th April : Easter Sunday and a distinct lack of Mary's Moaners but still a reasonable turn out by the rest. John Brookes failed to show for his last appearance before moving the other side of the Pennines to Sheffield, home of his beloved Wednesday. That's another one off the main team picture, we'll have to get the official photey taker to produce another one. The football went well tonight with Disley, Steve Hart and Bryn Meredith scoring most of the goals. Working for a living seems to be taking it's toll on Scouse Ron who went the whole session without netting or completing a pass of note, much to the disappointment of his rejuvenated team mate, Chris Anthony. Martin Street made a rare appearance and Simon Waddington played without the aid of 6 pints of lager and looked all the better for it. We all have to make the effort and put in 100% for as Tony Moore said to-night in the White Hart, "What you younger players don't realise is that when you reach 57 so does your body!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK :What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio!!      Glen Hoddle


Sun 22nd April : Magnificent Manchester City against all the odds deservedly battled to a 1-1 draw at the theatre of broken dreams this weekend to leave us all wondering why, oh why are we at the bottom of the pile. Roy Keane proved what a prat he really is with that tackle on Alfie Haarland, even Scouse Ron wouldn't tackle like that, well not too often anyway. Tonight saw the return of Zou Zou Mastin from his trip to Southern Turkey (he said he didn't know where Turkey was until he got there????) and he marked the occasion with two strikes that would have made Paul Scholes proud, one the first goal of the evening was hit so hard that Tony Moore said," that shot was unstoppable until it hit the net!!"  John Goodwin, the assassin, scored a terrific hat-trick against Steve Hart in goal and Malc replied with three at the other end in a 4-4 drawn game. New boy Dave Kidd put himself about a bit for the first 35 minutes and spent the rest of the session breathing through his arse. Chris Anthony had a good night notching his fair share of goals and seemed to enjoy the extra responsibility covering for his mate Bryn Meredith who was on night duty.  All in all, a pretty good night for the old giffers, next week we can do it all again...

QUOTE OF THE WEEK :When I quit Manchester United I'd like to play for a top Italian team like Barcelona....

                                                                                                                     David Beckham captain of England

Sun 29th April : What a week, City win at home and Stalybridge Celtic all but win the Unibond, there's hope yet for the blues and Celtic can try their luck again against the cream of the Conference. Down at the Leisure Centre last night we were treated to an ultra competitive session with a decent turn out allowing us to revert to the three team format as opposed to Scouse Ron's rotational system. If we could nominate a player of the week Zou Zou Mastin certainly posted his intentions in the first game with a sparkling hat-trick, but he chose to drop back as playmaker and unselfishly led from the back. Scouse Ron, playing in the same team tackled like a demon and ran like a errr.. Everton defender leaving behind his customary role as deep lying moaner. Chris Anthony had a superb session scoring at will. Martin Street made a valiant attempt to cut Roger Graham in half with a tackle that would have made Roy Keane wince. Michael Jackson made an appearance this week wearing a Manchester Uni£ed shirt bought from Tesco's, probably the reason he kept getting decked by various players, no sympathy from me there. Next weekend sees most of the promotion and relegation issues settled, fingers crossed for City but as Tony Moore said, "We keep kicking ourselves in the foot!!!"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK : I wouldn't say Roy Keane is the best midfielder in Britain, but there are none better!!                                                                                                                                        Dear old Mr. Bojangles.

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